You put your arms around me and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go. You put your arms around me and I'm home. I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling.

Words fail me. Actions, not so much.

Remember SHAfD? It's the first best fanfiction I've ever read. Should Have Asked for Directions has changed my perspective towards love. Also giving me high hopes about things like romance and relationship. That is why I underestimate people around me. Apparently they don't understand love and romance like I expected. Even so, I tolerate them because face it, we're young and foolish. We don't do serious things. Well at least people around me. They're just looking for some fun, I guess. And believe me I'm totally cool with that. What I'm trying to say here is that I don't do fun. I take these things seriously. Do blame SHAfD. I think that people around me aren't as amusing as people in those stories. I wish.

Let me tell you a little something about SHAfD. First of all, this fanfic is the most amazing fanfic I've ever read so far. Wow I need to read some more. I started reading this since it was so out and about, or should I say trendy at that moment. People talk about it with so much excitement and I was more than interested. Second of all, it was true. Everything that people say about this fic. About how amazing and emotional it is. It is indeed a briliant fic. I feel so much. My emotions oh lord. Do you believe that I actually cried on a scene in this story? Yes, when Leroy died. That was heartbreaking. When Hiram realized that Rachel was happy.And so many more. The point is, this story is heck of an awesome one. I can't believe it made me want to read Wuthering Heights. Silly Dylan. I love you. But, there was this quote that keeps bugging me all the time until now. Can you believe that? It's a quote from the character Quinn.

Words fail me. Actions, not so much.

Quinn was a writer. Well, not really. She was a reader, I guess. She was amazing. And that quote, I can relate to that. Quinn loved her soulmate so much that she couldn't describe it with words. She couldn't talk about how much she wanted her soulmate. When they got into a fight, Quinn couldn't talk about how they could fix it. Could they? Quinn couldn't talk. But she could show how she wanted it to be. She wanted to make up. So she would kiss her soulmate and forget about everything. And then they would have sex. It was a weird love life actually. It kept going that way until her soulmate has had enough. Quinn couldn't talk about how she felt. But she could show it from actions. From kisses and embraces. And weirdly, I feel a lot like Quinn.

I'm not a verbal person. Not at all. As soon as I try to spill words from my mouth, they won't come out. Even though I find that annoying sometimes, I think it's really not that bad. It helps me from saying the wrong things. But hell I've been thinking about what to say so many times. I haven't found the right words. Because maybe there aren't any words that could perfectly describe what I am going through. This isn't a phase. This isn't lust. This is what I'm currently feeling. And I'm not an easy person who thinks that love is just a thing. Love is love. And literally no words could ever describe what it's like. But if you ask me, it feels like being kissed and stabbed at the same time. So, yeah it hurts. But it's worth it. Oh and apparently Edward Cullen was right. Love is like a heroin. You couldn't help but to want it more. But there's a correction on that one. The person you love is the heroin. You won't be able to resist them. And at the same time, you want them more and more each day. So, yeah that is what I would say about love. And if you ask me if I had felt love, I'd say yes.

And it felt so heavenly good.

Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave. I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath, every hour has come to this. One step closer. I've died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I've loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.

one step closer.

If I only knew the words to say that would make you turn around, I would say those words to you more than a million times. It's been forever but that hasn't changed what you mean to me. I'm sorry for all I did, what I said, and things I hid. I'm finally over me. Is that too late for you? I miss you.

And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes. I cry sometimes about it.

Everything hurts. I came to this point where I just don't know anymore. Things aren't as amusing as they used to be. I feel old. I feel like i need something else. My life at this moment is pretty much a wreck. I don't know where will I go. What will I do. What will I become. Who will I be. Everything seems so confusing. Home is frustrating. School doesn't do better. I'm a freaking middle highschooler for god's sake. I don't deserve this. I should be having fun. Enjoying my youth, right? I don't deserve any of this. The adults in my life are nothing but shrimp heads that don't even know how to deal with life. Why can't they just accept that life is supposed to be like this? Filled with problems and consequences. Moreover for adults like them. Even I know how to deal with such pain. When you love someone, you forgive them the moment they make any mistakes, right? Even though the person we love betray us like shit. But we still love them. It should mean something, right? Love should mean something, right? If that is love, then it doesn't exist for my parents. My faith is broken. So I ran. I saw no options left. But to who? Friends? Turns out, what I call as friends are disappointing. But as disappointing as they could be, they're still friends. Even though they're nice. The broke it. My inner vunerable side showed. It's broken. I'm hurt. The person that I care about, doesn't even take a look at me. It's all filled with fake promises. Fake. Everything. Nobody was ever there for me. And nothing ever make sense. Me against the world. Even though I have no more reason to stay awake. For now.

Will you stay awake for me? I don't wanna miss anything. I will share the air I breathe. I'll give you my heart on a string. I just don't wanna miss anything. And if it's a hero you want, I can save you. Just stay here. Your whispers are priceless. Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near. Say my name. I just want to hear you. So just say that you'll stay awake for me.

but I was stupid and you broke me down. I'll never be the same again. So thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted. And thank you for lying to me. I won't forget what you did to me. You showed me things I wish I'd never seen.