Crazy Little Thing Called Weird People That Tried To Be Someone Else For Uknown Reasons And The Cause Is Yet To Be Found

Okay. If you didn't notice already, the title of this post is rather... unusual than any other normal title on a normal blog where the blogger has a normal life and normal friends. And that isn't something that I am or currently have for this time being. BUT, this title is pretty much what I'm going to talk about right now. OH by the way, that title is also inspired by my friend. Her name is STAR and she posted lately about this movie thing. I guess. Kind of. And the title of that movie is Crazy Little Thing Called Love. I suppose. And I don't know. Since I laughed a lot while reading the post because I DON'T KNOW. NOT KNOWING THINGS IS AWESOME. Nope, it's terrifying.

ANYWAYS, I'm not trying to point out fingers to anyone here. I'm just trying to point out a point. HA! Try to understand that! . Okay, so I got this thing to talk about from my very best friend. She told me something about this guy that she loves. Well, it's probably true. Because.. there's a difference between someone who loves a person and someone who claims to love a person. So, this guy. If you see him for the first time, or just by a glance, you would probably say "Oh. That guy is a troublemaker. A player. A stud. An asshole". And yes, a part of you who're saying those are true. But, if you know him a little bit better, like I do, you'd say different things. And those different things are so confusing. I'm not going to lie. He's a very very hard- to - read son of a bitch. And this thing is kind of frustrating. Let me tell you something about this.

He's nice. He likes everything. He laughs at everything. He's funny. He's talented. He's cute (NOT GONNA LIE, PEOPLE). He's not that bad looking either. He's smart. He's sweet. He's protective. He notices things. He does cute things. He even likes cute things. He likes girls (... Okay). He's probably into guys too? (Okay this is not funny). He's tall (I can't... ). Long story short, he's perfect. I mean, come on. What else could you expect from a guy?

BUT, the confusing this about this bastard is, he's.. oh my god.. he's so.. so goddamn shy maybe? I don't know. He always tries to keep his image as a troublemaker in the school, especially around his goddamn friends. As if it's a good thing. As if a label as an asshole is more important than his true self. I don't get it. What the actual fuck is with this boy.

He likes stuff that his friends don't. He tries so fucking hard to hide it. And it is so fucking frustrating. I'm not gonna lie. It is so fucking exhausting to see that someone actually does that. His so called friends are.. well.. pretty much all assholes. Maybe not all of them. Just a few boys trying to be cool badasses. And believe me when I say that they are not cool badasses. Not at all. They're just.. pathetic little boys that don't know how to live their life right. Little boys who probably don't have any future or any good anything in their pathetic lives. I mean, come on. When you see a middle highschooler, boys, assholes, to be precise, talking about love, soulmates, heartbroken, you must know that they are absolutely lying. Except if they're talking about girls, boobs, video games, boobs, and boobs. Those things are what boys do talk about. Trust me, I've been there. I've done that. I've seen everything. You just can't avoid these things. Oh and for girls, all they talk about is butt. I don't know why but cute butt is cute. I DON'T KNOW OKAY I LOVE BUTTS. Cool badass is like.. Puck. You should learn from the guy.

And I still don't understand why he has to keep this bastard image on him when he's actually super nice and super cool. I don't understand at all. If he's smart enough to know how to be super nice and super cool, I'd figure he would be perfect. If. Oh I wish. I keep wondering if deep down he actually feels it too. Or, I don't know. Maybe relationships with wrong people can make you feel numb. Like nothing can change you. Nothing can hurt you. He keeps doing that. And when my best friend cried for him, he told her this

"I'm so glad to have someone like you that cares about me a lot"

Okay. What the fuck. Shocking as fuck. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. WHY. JUST TELL ME WHY. I knew this boy would do something like that. He was different alright. It was like he had two personas. And I don't even know why. If you talk to him in person, alone, he would be so nice. Trust me, I did that plenty of times. When the group usually wanted to hang out somewhere, both of us (him and I) used to come too early. So, yeah. We chat a lot. He was so nice that time. I don't even know why he was, but he was. I like him. Of course I do. Being around him kind of made me feel safe and comfy. But what I don't understand, is how he changes a lot when he hangs out with his friends. Let's just call it that way. I'm sure he's not that bad. I'm sure he has some feelings there... Well, I sure hope so. Because it's such a shame to waste a great guy like him. And his friends don't even worth it. What can they give him? Nothing. Nothing but trouble. But I still don't understand him. I thought he has a mind of his own. But when someone in his group of friends got mad at me for a very tiny reason and changed my status way decreasing from best friend to enemy, he turned his back against me too. And that is way too disappointing to me. Because he was one of my best friends. And this tiny thing didn't even had something to do with him. That is just.. disappointing. Pure disappointment. I can't figure him out.

Because when he hurt me for something that I'm really sorry, when he hurt me for something that isn't a big deal, I couldn't tell what was on his mind.

Maybe he's not the guy I used to know. Maybe he has changed. Maybe he's now numb. Feelings don't exist to him. Maybe hurting anyone doesn't do any harm to himself. Maybe he's just.. I don't know. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he's just another asshole. But.. I just can't let him go. Because he's worth too much. Because I love him too much to even try to believe that he's not what I know he is.

But then again, maybe our friendship never happened.

And trust me, I think a lot about this. Still trying to figure it out now. I miss him. I miss everyone a lot these days. If I could just explain. If I could just make them believe that what I did had a reason. If I could just turn this world so it could be more accepting. If I could just be honest about everything to everyone. If I could just.. bring it back.

I guess, hurting this much is a consequence for what I've done. Even though I still don't know what it is.