You are the only exception.

they say i don't know anything. they say i'm just a kid. they say i can't do and understand. they say i'm not capable of feeling this. what they've said makes me forget. what they've done stopped me from trying. what they've proven just took the last hope and faith away from my eyes.

but darling, you are my only exception.

and my last hope to believing.

something inside me just went to the edge after seeing this

this.

You could’ve chosen anybody in the whole wide world to love, but you chose mine?

feels like i'm betraying myself.

When people show up in your dreams, it's not because they want something from you. it's because you want something from them.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you wouldn't be asking me what i was afraid of.

too cool to care

not gonna talk much. just wanna show how huge my crush is to mr. jo calderone in the you and i video. okay first of all, the video is so awesome and cool and awesome and awesome and awesome and everything. and i've watched it like idk million times just to adore jo. lol i know he's so alskhndcaiufhnoain. okay say no more let's just look and stare.

how can you even.... what is.... it's just that..... how....

as,mndcalsfhiciashfncjkdnfhiehnvslk how do i words

sexy jo is sexy

do want. do want so bad.

seriously how did this happen?

such an amazing first date cigarettes and whiskey AAAHH. idk who am i supposed to be envy at. JO OR GAGA life why you so full of choices

HE'S JUST SO HOT OKAY DEAL WITH IT

so this is the gif version of the screencap above. lol i don't care.

that quote tho

well look at that

look at that arm. all i see is arm. yes, arm. hey arm. hey have you guys look his arm yet? should i call him he or she? definitely a he. oh hey arm.

 gaga why can't you just wear that forever

ssshhh just look.

okay and from what i've heard, jo calderone will be hosting 2011 vma's in the 28th of august asfhcauifhcnas life couldn't be better. i don't know okay he's just really good looking and everything.

that awkward moment when you're attracted to a guy and turns out he's lady gaga. and then... then... YOU JUST DON'T CARE BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST TOO COOL TO CARE.

jet lag

HAI HAHA judulnya. lagian pada demam jet lag sih. yaudah gue ga punya kerjaan. masa tadi pagi gue bangun jam setengah 5. akhirnya gue bosen. trus gue ya nyampah dan main2 ga jelas di internet. gue ngeliat foto-foto gitu deh HAHA. sekarang gue mau berbagi foto biar fotonya tertempel di honana ini. sekalian agak flashback flashback gimana gitu.

HAHAH kok gue ketawa liat backgroundnya kayak orang kepleset

HAHAHAH liat ada yang melompat bahagia di belakang

yeaahh we had something back then

HAHAH masa yang lain pada berdoa, naomi malah bermodel ria

alay

HAHA mas mas galau sahabat evodie

eh gue tiba2 pengen cerita. jadi waktu uyc kan thalia nari, dan pas habis nari dia tuh capek karena emang lagi agak2 sakit. thalia "yes, tidur duluan yok, gue tadi pas nari ampe oleng mau jatoh" HAHA sebenernya tuh belom waktu tidur. masih pada ngelanjutin acara ga jelas malem2 suram. akhirnya gue sama thalia tidur duluan ke tenda. jadi tendanya tuh sepi soalnya baru kita doang yang tidur. besoknya, kita berdua kan jalan2 ga jelas lagi nungguin sarapan ato apa gitu. kita tiba2 jadi populer. setiap ada mbak2 surabaya yang berpapasan, pasti selalu bilang "eh lo kan yang kemaren tidur duluan" HAHAH

HAHA ini waktu pada main ke rumah anya. harusnya tuh cewek2 madesu ikutan semua, tapi ya kayak pada ga dateng gatau kenapa HAHA sedih banget.

 

HAHAHAH mengalay di taman mini. udah lama banget

masyaoloh ini apaan

HAHAH ekel model punk rock

udah deh kayaknya cuma segitu. tapi ada 1 hal terakhir yang bener2 bikin jet lag parah HAHA alay ya jet lag jet lag an. silahkan

kelas 9. cepet banget ya.

It's so loud inside my head with words that i should've said.

or maybe it's not to late to say something. but hell i need more courage.

something about the chase

maybe

i can't tell the difference between the person and the mistake. and maybe i'll never be able to. i loathe it. it's the reason for my attitude. but what do you know? nothing. you know nothing about my feelings. and her. oh god, her. doesn't she at least think about how i might react about this? i will never be able to get over her. she was everything. she was the best thing about me. she was supposed to be the thing that i'd be proud of. she was life. she was supposed to be the person that i can lean on. she was everything i could ever ask for. she was... she was just something important in my life. i can't live without her. even though i'm trying so hard. why can't i live without her? i love her. i used to love her. maybe i still love her. but why? just tell me why. why did you do that? don't you know how i might feel about this? three times. three fucking times. i thought she was better than this. she broke my heart. and no, things are not okay. i can't see or hear her without remembering how she does things behind my back.

maybe it's time to forgive. maybe she's sorry for what she has done. maybe i shouldn't be like this. maybe i have to learn to give second chances. maybe the word fair doesn't exist.

but hell what's the point?

i don't know. i don't know what to do or how to feel about this. i'm angry. i'm heartbroken. i'm filled with rage. but i'm tired. i still can't get over it. three times. so she did mistakes. she's still her. but i just can't. i'm sorry. for doing this. i just think that it's not fair.

what the fuck is the point?

respect

okay. so i'm doing this post right now, because this thing that i'm going to talk about keeps bugging me lately. as you can see the title is respect so i'm gonna mumble about it for the next few minutes. actually i have two problems in this topic. and i'm doing this because i'm sick and tired of people not having respect. i'm not accusing someone or saying this to someone from writings. i'm saying this because people keep doing it. and maybe even me. i do it sometimes and i'm not afraid to admit it. but some people don't. so i was hoping that this will give you all a wake up call.

problem number one: respect in what you're believing in

i go to a catholic school. it means that most of the students in my school are either christian or catholic. and of course we pray. a lot, actually. me? no. i don't pray. i don't believe in god. i believe in good. i don't think god exist. but i think we just have to live our life in a good way. i believe in life after the death. but i don't believe in god's existence. okay. so, the point is, i don't believe in god like most of the students in my school does. my friends believe in god. i respect that. i respect their choice to believe that god exist. i never argue about that. because i feel like it's no use. they believe in god. okay. so what? it's their life. their choice. their religion. it's perfectly fine. we're humans. humans are heterogenous in everything.

so, one day, we pray together. well, everyday, actually. we prayed in the morning. in the field. after an 'exercise'. when all of the students and teachers started praying, i folded my hands and waited for them to finish praying. i went quiet. i didn't do anything to stop everyone from praying. why? i respect them. i respect the fact that they believe that praying is good for them. i respect the fact that they believe that praying is a way to connect with this form that they call 'god'. but what do you know. i looked at my left and my right. some of my friends were playing and laughing and doing some stupid jokes while they were praying. and i was like 'what the fuck? what are you stupid people doing?'. hahahahah don't you think it's kind of funny? you say that you believe in god, but you don't respect your god? ironic. fucking ironic. it's your god. yours. even i respect your god. but you don't respect your own god? then you're what so called idiots. douches. assholes. dumbass. twats.

if you have a religion, then stick with it. if you have something that you believe in, then show some respect to it. don't you realize that what you're doing is the most idiotic thing ever? yeah. you guys are idiots and i have the balls to say it. it's just that this thing here, this problem, it keeps going on and on in my head. you guys annoys me without even knowing what you're doing. just stop doing this. stop being such idiots. you know sometimes i'm angry because people are stupid. so don't even think about doing it again. because you haven't seen me in an angry mode before. don't make me start on this topic. i can shout about it at you all day.

just please, respect in what you're believing in. if you can't show some respect to it, then you might as well stop believing in what you're believing now.

problem number two: respect in what other people like

aha. this problem is like so old and lame. but i don't know i just feel like talking about it. ya know, some people are so arrogant and snobby that they think that they have the best in everything. of course, people like different stuff. like i've said, we're humans. for example, you like basketball. it doesn't mean that everyone likes it too. and it doesn't mean that everyone have to like it too. it also doesn't mean that basketball is the best game or whatever. if you like something, doesn't mean that you have to hate what other people like. that's just so fucking weird. yeah. weird. you insult other people's interests. that's just sad. very very sad. and funny.

just shut the fuck up, would you? you like something and then you hate what other people like. it's pathetic, dude. seriously. stop doing that. you're a pathetic sun of a bitch that doesn't know shit about what other people feel when you say bad things about what they like. we have feelings. i have feelings. and by hating on what i like, then you're just another heartless shithead. stop doing that. this thing that you're doing is not helping you at all. people hate you because you're doing it. people hate you. they say things behind your back because you're doing it. they just hate you so much because all you can do with your life is just hating on what other people like.

and you still think that your friends like you?

cute.

don't you know that what you're doing is the most pathetic thing ever? if you hate me or other people for liking a thing that you don't like, then you don't have a life. you're better off dead. go away. nobody likes you. you're useless. you're just another garbage in this world. just fucking leave. nobody wants you. nobody needs you. we're gonna make a celebration party for your funeral. we're gonna spit on your coffin. we're gonna dance above your grave.

okay, maybe that's too much.

but the point is, just stop doing this pathetic thing. just stop. please.

okay i think i've let it all out. well not really. thank you for reading. maybe. probably. proudly so? and i wish you all a good afternoon.

Homie kiss your girl. Shorty kiss your man. We can see you on the kissing cam. Show me some love. Now look her in the eye, say baby i love you. I never put no one above you. And if you feel that way, go ahead and kiss your baby and now we got the whole stadium in love like hey!

what if.

Madesu:Sectionals

HEY so this is chapter 19 or whatever. i'm kinda wanna update this fic idk why and i haven't posted anything on honana. i haven't found anything interesting in my new class neither in my life lol. i'm a ninth grader guys. ninth fucking grader. not that i don't like it or anything. it just feels so foreign and everything. and like, time flew so fast or whatever. to be honest i kinda miss eight grade already lol. let's just wait til something happens because like, seriously i'm so bored. so this chapter will be about how they got home from cijantung to sectionals. i guess. and oh i wanna put some hip hop on this fic so it would be more..... hiphopy? idk.enjoy!

the awkward tension felt so intense between all of them. it was like they were still blind. everything was dark because they haven't talked about any of this. few things definitely changed. people noticed, but they didn't want to. the trip home at the bus was.... okay. at least nobody started a fight or anything. they were even quiet. uncomfortable quiet. mr v noticed that too. but the kids were to confusing for him. they always have been.

==============================

she laid on the bed with a head and a heartache. it has been three weeks. three weeks of pure torture. three weeks of swollen eyes and crumbled tissues all over the bed. three weeks of a mysterious shadow wandering around their house in australia. this... thing. it should've gave anya a wake up call. about how much she loved everything. about how much her life worth. and about how much people care.

but no. it didn't.

or it haven't.or it won't.or... she just didn't know. because now, she didn't feel any of those. she felt the opposite. she felt lost, neglected, abandoned, outcasted. something was missing. and she knew exactly what it was. at least she thought that way. what was missing was... her mother? yes. her mother was missing. anya was missing her. 

she was lying on the bed with nothing in her eyes. just an empty gaze to the ceiling after an exhausting crying session. funny. funny how she didn't know the reason for anything. it was like.... she didn't know how to feel. and she didn't know what she feel. everyday felt the same. 

when will this end?

she wanted to go home. like, home. home in indonesia. home in vincentius high. home in madesu club. she missed everyone. she missed her best friend, she missed her maybe-possibly-almost-boyfriend-probably, she missed her volley team, she missed her teachers (crazy, right?), she missed her house where she used to live there alone. and even though she lived there alone, she wasn't lonely like she was now. dami was nice. but he was just nice. and she needed more. more than nice. more than great. more than amazing. she needed more than she wanted. she always did.

as she watched the ceiling, she felt wind blowing to her ear.

"stop it" said anya. she turned her body to the bathroom door

the shadow form was standing while leaning its shoulder to the bathroom door. looking at anya. it has been looking at her ever since the funeral. every single day. the shadow came closer to the bed and tried to reach anya's cheek to stroke it affectionately.

"don't" said anya 

but it couldn't. even though the shadow tried so hard. it just couldn't. anya was unreachable. well, everything was unreachable for a ghost. so, it vanished.

anya sighed. it was 04.30 in the evening. time to wake up already. she went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. today's schedule was... ugh. her part time job in a cafe. as a singer. it wasn't her style. but at least it made papers for her. a not bad amount of papers. she finished her bussiness in the bathroom and went down. she went to the cafe by bike.

dami opened the door and got surprised with the person behind it.

"hello, sir"

"well hello" said dami a little bit shocked

"is anya here?" asked bradley

"no. she's working now. i can tell you where she is"

"that'll be great"

bradley ran straight to the address after dami gave it to him.

anya was getting ready. the manager told her to sing a difficult song for her. not the notes, the lyrics. but she had to. or else she'll get fired or something. she sighed. she was a mess. she didn't feel good. she felt wrong. everything was hurting her. simply everything. but then she made her way to the stage. a small simple stage with a piano. ah she wished she could play. she could do guitars, but pianos? well maybe a little bit. she looked around the cafe. just the usual. nobody was new. the faces were so familiar yet so foreign.

bradley entered the cafe quietly. nobody noticed him entering it. he took a seat and ordered coffee. he found the stage and a girl. a really really beautiful girl named anya. nothing changed. she just looked a little tired. he wanted to call her name, but she was working. definitely not a good idea. he leaned his back to the chair. locking his eyes to the brunette on the stage. because his eyes missed her. three weeks was just too much. it was too much indeed.

the piano was played by this dude. and finally the song started.

Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

anya closed her eyes. bradley watched her closely. trying to read her like a book.

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oh
I hope you can hear me 

Cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

she was struggling with herself. this song was just too sad for her. she thought about ending it here, but she wouldn't. she must finish this. it was her job to do so.

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why

And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

she sang like she never sang before. it was so powerful. so strong. so emotional. so deep and so... her.

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back

bradley knew her somehow. he knew that after this, she will colapse. maybe not on the stage, but she will. he had to be there. he was meant to be there.

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same no

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same oh

Na na, na na na, na na

anya tried to finish the last part even though her eyes were already watery. someone in her life slipped away just a few weeks ago. it was okay to be sad... right?

I miss you 

she heard applauses. she heard cheering. she also heard her footsteps when she went off the stage and ran to the backstage. bradley lost the sight of her. he ran to the backstage too and to the backdoor. he saw anya with her bike. she didn't see him. he chased her. he could see her face just for a second. like he already suspected, crying.

anya ran to her room without saying anything to her father. bradley knocked the door.

"ah you again" said dami

"yes, sir"

"and what bussiness do you have here?"

"i wanna see her, sir" said bradley while trying to catch his breath

dami stopped to think a while. but he let bradley to see her. because dami knew that this boy was something to anya. and dami himself couldn't fix anya. maybe bradley could.

before bradley went upstairs, dami put a hand on bradley's left shoulder and bradley's head turned to him

"please take care of her" said dami. he was almost crying "she's all i got. don't take her away from me either. i still need time"

bradley took a minute to process dami's request. he saw the look in dami's face. he was telling the truth. he liked the fact that dami loved anya so much. bradley didn't want to disappoint him. maybe it'll be hard to not take anya away from dami, but he will try. it was the least he could do for the old man. he only nodded and made his way to her room.

he knocked, no answer. again, no answer. he tried to open the door.it wasn't locked. he opened it slowly. no one was there. but he could feel something. something inside that room. there was something. the air was different. but he went in anyway. nobody was there. he could hear the sound of a shower. the bathroom door was open. bradley saw anya with empty eyes. sitting on the floor under the shower. fully clothed. she sat there while holding her knees. it looked like she was freezing.

bradley went inside the bathroom and sat next to her on the floor. anya was surprised to see him here. but she was too tired to be shocked. whoa. the water was freezing cold. he changed the temperature to warm.

"better?" he asked

she nodded. she leaned herself to him and he wrapped his arms around him. he saw her eyes. nothing was there. not even a little spark. not any emotions showed. he couldn't read her like a book. he just couldn't. maybe she was a different type of book. or maybe it was because she wasn't one. yes. but at least he tried. it meant he had effort. for her.

"why are you keep chasing me?" asked anya

"because.... i don't know" said bradley

"i'm not asking you to" said anya coldly

"i'm not doing this because of anyone else. i did this because you are you" said bradley again. and even for him, that sentence was confusing.

"well i'm not asking me to be me" said anya. okay this is starting to get so weird.

"i like you because you are you"

"and i'm not feeling like i am me" she said "i feel lost, brad. i don't know anything. i need to know something. i need to know. this feeling like i don't know anything is killing me"

"i know what it feels like" said bradley

anya pulled herself from him "no, you don't. you don't know what i'm feeling. you don't know anything about losing someone that you love so so much. you don't know anything about losing, brad. shut up"she rested her back to the wall

bradley sighed. he leaned his back to the wall just like her. he took his necklace and opened what's inside it. he showed a picture of someone inside the necklace "they're my parents" he said while showing a happy couple with maybe the happiest smile in the world according to anya. he sighed again "20th of july 2000. i was only five. there was a fire in an apartement building near the casablanca tunnel"

anya was listening. not knowing where this story will end.

bradley continued "dad and i just got home from late night groceries. we used to live in that apartement. when he heard about the fire, he went inside the apartement to save mom without even caring about the fire. he left me outside with one of my neighboor. he said to me 'it's okay, daddy will come back soon. soon, you'll be able to see mommy and daddy again. just wait here'. so i waited. i waited. i waited. and i waited. the fire was gone. but i couldn't see my parents" he said. he looked at the picture with so much meaning inside the look "they didn't show up. they never come back. nothing showed up"

anya looked at him with an unreadable look. because holy fuck that story.

"i lived with my grandma after that. i didn't understand anything. i thought that they will show up anytime. but they just didn't. and came to my realization that they couldn't. believe me. i know what pain feels like. i felt it ever since i was five. my tears won't go away and my soul was nowhere to be found. most of all, it felt like nothing. and that nothing was scary as hell. i don't even know why" he continued

she nodded in understand

"i love them so much, ya know. they're a part of me. and it hurts living all these years without them" said bradley. then suddenly he smiled at her "but you know what?"

anya looked at him confusedly

"i overcome. i overcome that situation. i succeded. i survived. i won. i overcome, nya. the moment i've finally won, i realized from then, that i can do anything. yes, life was hard to me. but it's life. it was supposed to be hard. and people were supposed to overcome. to fight. to struggle. and to win. now, i feel so proud of myself. i'm sure they are too" he said while pointing at the picture "life taught so many things to me. we can overcome anything"

anya looked at her lap. she didn't know how to respond to that. yes, that was a hell of a speech. but it didn't change fucking anything. she still felt the same. and she didn't want to tell him. she didn't know why. maybe because she didn't want him to worry about her much. he did so much already. she didn't feel like she needed help anyway. but truth was, she did need help.

silence crept into them. anya laid her head on his shoulder.

"what about.... sectionals?" she asked to bradley

bradley smiled "sectionals is on monday. and i figured maybe i could visit you for the weekend" he said

"you're nice" said anya. but with no certain emotions

"i am"

"no. i mean, you're too nice"

"and...?"

"you're too nice for me" she said

"what do you mean?" asked bradley confusedly

"you... you deserve better, brad" said anya. she stood up and so did he.

"what?"

"i'm not worth it"

"what? so you think you're not good enough? is that what it is?"

"yes" she said

"you can't do this. at least try!" said bradley

"i don't have to. i know me"

bradley looked at her with disbelief "oh yeah, sure. you know yourself so well do you? so you're not lost now? ah great" he said with sarcasm all over the words

anya walked to her room and pretended like she was cleaning her bed "so this is how it's going to be? just like that?" asked bradley again while chasing her "i can't believe this"

"there are so many fish in the sea, brad. let's not be sentimental here" said anya while still working with her bed

"but i don't like fish. i like you" he said

"there are better ones. unlike me" said anya

bradley gripped her shoulders and direct her face to his "don't you ever say that. don't you ever say that there are better girls out there for me" he said. he looked so serious "because there aren't. and because you are the best. i can never get better if i already found the best. i like you. and i know you like me. why can't we just.... "

"look, i don't have time for this. so do you. you have to practice for sectionals. madesu club will be a hard to defeat. trust me" she said

"but i love you" he said "there. i've said it. i love you" wait. love? no. no. shut up. maybe not love. but it was definitely bigger than a crush. so what was it? a crush love. a crove? whatever.

anya looked at him for a while. but then she took his hands from her shoulders "i think it's time for you to go" she said while turning away.

he sighed. but there was nothing to do. he went away. just like that. the shadow form appeared in anya's bathroom door again and it was shooking its head.

"i had to" said anya

============================

it was late when they got home. the madesu club decided to go home to their own houses. it was exhausting. they will figure things out first thing in the morning. hopefully. because they will have a practice on saturday and sunday. just so they'll be ready for sectionals. this competition was big.

saturday

all of them already gathered at the choir room at vincent high. good thing the school allowed them to use it for practices. it was break time. they knew that this was the time to fix everything. evodie wanted to fix things between him and fransis. also to know what was going on between him and chacha. he needed to know how all of this will end. 

"hey" said evodie to fransis who was sitting on a chair 

"hey" 

"can we.... talk?" asked evodie 

fransis pointed his hand to a chair beside him. evodie sat on it.

"so.... talk?" asked fransis 

"yeah. talk" said evodie

"okay. talk" 

"i just.... i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being so jealous. i should've known that she's not mine anymore. even though i love her so much, doesn't mean that i can have her forever. so, i'm sorry" said evodie

"no. man. it's cool. i did the same to you. i'm sorry. and things are just so messed up. i don't know what to do. and my feelings are so confusing" said fransis

"i know. me too" 

"it's just that.... ya know. i wonder. how did it get this hard?" said fransis "life was easy before. it felt like yesterday when i fell in love. i got my girl. and i was happy. now..... now things are just so complicated" 

"i dunno, man. maybe it's a part of growing up. we have to grow up eventually. and to do so, we have to learn how tough life can be" said evodie

fransis smiled "you're my best friend. you know that" 

"yeah" he smiled. evodie offered his knuckle, but fransis responded it with a hug "you too"

it felt really good. the feeling that both of them forgive each other and went back to where it should've been. things felt so right. so on the track.

"so, like seriously. who are you seeing right now?" asked venna to thalia

"ummm why do you wanna know?" she asked back

"come on. you're my friend now. if you wanna be my best friend, you have to tell me who's your boyfriend" said venna

"i wanna be your best friend" said thalia

"duh. who doesn't?" said venna. they laughed. it seemed like the two of them made good friends

"okay. but don't laugh. i'm going out with aji" said thalia

"aji? wait. isn't he the curly guy from baking club?" asked venna

"yep" she said 

venna burst into laughter "you're dating him?" 

"hey. come on. don't laugh" said thalia with a pout "he's kind of nice" 

"sure he is" said venna "so what up with him?" 

"he's cute and everything. but i dunno. lately he's acting so weird" 

"he's english. english people do that. they are weird"

thalia was seeing aji since cupcake week. he was nice and everything. so why not? 

"cha" said fransis 

"oh. hi" said chacha to him 

"i need to have a word with you" he said

"but i don't have one"

"you do know that 'have a word with you' meant that i want to talk to you, don't you?" asked fransis

"err. of course i do. silly" said chacha. nope. she didn't know that.

"what is this?" asked fransis while pointing at her and himself

"huh?" 

"what are we?" he asked again

"we're humans. altough i'm pretty sure i thought you were a giant squirrel when i first saw you" said chacha ridiculously

fransis chuckled "no. i mean are we like... still dating or...?" 

chacha looked to her lap "um. i don't know" 

he grabbed her chin with his fingers "what do you want us to be?" 

"i think..... we should end us" she said

he sighed and pulled his hand "okay. thanks"

"for what?" 

"for not lying" he said

"thanks too" 

"for what?" 

"for admiting that you're in love with her" said chacha while pointing at venna who was giggling with thalia

he smiled. she smiled back. things were okay now. except for michael and naomi. they haven't really talked ever since the hotel. even though there were still unfinished business between them.

sunday

everything went normal. so normal. some had their problems fixed. well not really. things have been weird. yeah, weird. unusual. weird. quiet? yeah, weird. weird was the word. maybe. probably. proudly so. nothing had change, yet everything changed. because everything felt different. uncomfortable different. yeah because all the dramas and shit this week.

"naomi, can i talk to you for a minute? since you're gonna be our soloist, i thought that maybe you could work with me in the choreography" said mr v

naomi rolled her eyes in laziness but did what he told her anyway. she wasn't in the mood. she wasn't in the mood to do anything actually. maybe it was because she constantly thought about.... stuff. stuff that happened just a few days ago. stuff that she might regret. she pushed that thought aside and started working out with mr v. after that, the madesu club got a half an hour break. yeah, tomorrow was their big day and they were working hard. really hard. naomi ended up in the little girls room to.... powder her nose? or fix her ponytail? or whatever that involved her and a mirror.

when she was checking herself out in the mirror, someone entered the bathroom. it was none other than chacha. naomi was kind of surprised by her, but she tried to act normal. even though that act was seen clearly by her best friend. they couldn't lie. it was hell of awkward. chacha stood next to naomi in front of the mirror. she... uh.... played with the sink. she didn't know what to do and obviously she was nervous. nervous about what they were and... everything. yeah she thought they needed to talk. but where to begin?

"it's okay" said naomi while still looking at herself in the mirror

"it isn't" said chacha. she looked at naomi's reflection in the mirror

"it isn't" said naomi again

"you will always love him, won't you?" asked chacha suddenly

"why are you asking?"

"just asking"

"what is this about?"

"i wanna know"

"but why?"

"i just do"

"god damnit why?" asked naomi

chacha looked down at her feet. naomi sighed and said "yes"

"what?" asked chacha while lifting her head up

"the a for your q is yes" said naomi while fixing her ponytail

"i just don't get it"

"what is it that you don't get?"

"you"

"well i guess some things are just complicated"

"but not you. i know you. i've learn from and about you since i was six. but i can't figure you out" said chacha

"look, i'm not asking for this to happen either. i fell for a guy and turns out he likes to kiss her girlfriend's best friend"

chacha looked down again "it's kinda wasn't his fault"

"of course it was"

"why won't you blame me?"

"because i trust you" said naomi "even though you're weird sometimes, i just believe in you. i don't know why. that's what ten years of being friends with you did to me" said naomi

"i'm sorry"

"i just want to ask you one thing" she said "he said you kissed him. twice. is that true?"

"yes" said chacha unproudly

"why?"

"because... i don't know. because of my feelings" said chacha

"so, you have feelings for.... him?" she couldn't. she couldn't say his name. she'd choke on it. she didn't know why.

"i.... i don't know"

"it's okay if you have"

chacha gulped. she wanted to say everything. she wanted to say the reasons why she did all of this. say something. say something. come on. words where are you?

yet she froze. naomi continued "he is charming. not to mention smokin hot"

chacha giggled

"and he made me fall so easily" said naomi while looking down "argh fucking twice. i feel so stupid"

"please. don't feel that way" said chacha while pouting "i hate it when you do that. and i hate when you're swearing"

naomi smiled "you're too cute"

"i prefer beautiful"

"well you are" said naomi "oh and by the way i set you up with michael in the choreography" thank god she didn't choke on that.

"wait what?"

"you heard me"

"why?"

"you like him, right?" asked naomi

"but you.... and i.... i don't.... he's... " words failed her

"it's okay"

"it isn't" said chacha

"why are you keep saying that?"

"it isn't. i don't like him" she said. there was something. just something.

"but i thought-"

"no. nevermind" she sighed

"okay" said naomi awkwardly "friends?"

chacha stepped closer "i was.... i was hoping for something more"

they were so close. inches away. they could feel their breath mixing in a little space between them. naomi gulped. shocked. yet didn't do anything.

"wha... what do you... mean?" she asked

chacha took naomi's left hand and placed it on her chest "this happens everytime i'm with you" naomi felt it. the blonde's heart beat. it beated faster than it should be. way faster.

"you... you like..." she gulped again "girls?" asked naomi. weirdly nervous. was this happening?

"i like you" said chacha while swallowing naomi's eyes whole.

what? wait. pause. what? did she just? what? is tha-

yasmine interrupted the two by entering the bathroom quickly "girls, we have practice. remember?" she said

the two already apart from inches to feets. it was kind of shocking and everything. awkward. but thank god yasmine didn't see anything. it would be more awkward. and embarrassing. well they were best friends. but it would still be awkward. and embarrassing.

yasmine went out. left the two staring each other awkwardly. chacha's eyes. there were seriousness and innocence in it. but naomi's. there was fear. fear that maybe this wasn't a joke. maybe chacha was telling the truth. what if.... what if it was true? what if she had feelings for her? eyes couldn't lie. and naomi could see it clearly in the blonde's. it scared her. it scared her big time. of course she loved chacha. but not in that way. and it scared her because she didn't want to be the one to ruin her.


ah. maybe it's just a thing. nothing else. maybe this'll just end after awhile. no. it's not possible that she has feelings for me.

so naomi gave chacha a last look and she flew away from the bathroom. they had practice anyways. but chacha didn't follow her instantly. she looked at the mirror and she saw a girl. a lovely girl that had everything. but it felt like she had nothing. she went down her thoughts again. for the billionth times. about her feelings. feelings that's started to grow ever since the latina dated the love of her life. michael. but no. chacha didn't blame him for the feelings that she had for naomi. he actually helped her in figuring it out. seeing how adorable michael and naomi together did things to chacha. weird things. like jealousy. or the urge to punch michael right on his face. yeah. weird things. but yes, evodie was the perfect distraction from all of that. but it wasn't enough. yeah, she loved evodie. all of those were real. but the feeling of love towards him was nothing compared to the feeling of love towards naomi. it was bigger. it was huge. it was invisible and mysterious.

it was the only thing that she kept thinking in her head.

she knew it was wrong. it was wrong to feel that way about a girl. it was right if she was a boy. but no. she wasn't. but still, she had to experience this. loving a girl. she wanted her. it was true. she loved her. maybe. or was it just a crove? didn't make any difference. but this feelings towards naomi, it gave herself so many questions about who she was. about her. it wasn't just about naomi. it was about her. about her sexual orientation. did she likes girls? or was it just naomi? those thoughts went round and round and round her head.

she washed her hands and sprinkled some water to her face. she needed air. she needed space. she needed time. she needed everything that she could handle. she needed to know the truth about herself.

but most of all, she needed support and an advice

she went out and did the choreography. with freaking michael. no me gusta. no me gusta at all. chacha wasn't into him if it wasn't obvious. in fact, she loathed him. he wasn't a bad guy, but sometimes love changes good things to bad. so in her eyes, he was definitely a bad guy. ah love love love. evil love. it was still love.

so, the choreo was like in pairs. michael with chacha, yasmine with alfons, darrent with thalia, naomi with evodie, venna with albert, eka with icha, jessica with jodi and fransis..... well he was the lead singer for this song anyway, so he didn't get a partner. they will be dancing. not ball dancing. that'd be ugly. they'll do an energic yet simple dancing.

practice went smoothly.

"hey, mike. wanna shoot some hoops with us?" asked fransis and the other guys right after practice

"sure" said michael

fransis, michael, darrent, and evodie went to the park with a basketball field in it. they played 2 on 2. it was just fun. hanging out with the boys. they took a little break. michael drank water from his bottle when fransis wiped his face with a towel.

"so, i heard about you and naomi" said fransis suddenly

michael went down instantly "yeah?"

"yeah" he said again "take it easy man. yea she's hot and everything-"

"hey watch it" said michael

"sorry" said fransis "but she's.... ya know... she's a... "

"a what?" asked michael

"a bi-" but before fransis could finish the word, evodie came and stopped him

"a hard kind of girl. yeah, that is what he was going to say" said evodie while giving a death glare to fransis who was smirking in a sorry way.

"what do you guys mean?" asked michael

"we're just saying that maybe you should just get over her" said darrent

"it's not that easy" said michael "i was sure that she was the one, ya know. like when you meet the girl of your dreams and then you already think about getting married and stuff. that's what we were"

"okay that's horror" said darrent

"that's so cheesy" said fransis

"said the boy who proposed his girlfriend and got a divorce the next day" said michael with a mocking tone

fransis lost at that one "we know it's hard, but at least try to" said evodie

"said the boy who will love her ex forever" said michael with another mocking tone

evodie lost. he got a point "come on. we're saying this because we care about you. she's difficult to handle" said darrent

"but i've managed to handle her. i can. i know i can" said michael

"you can't do this forever" said darrent "she has a life. you were a part of it. but now you're not. and even if you get back with her, she'll end up leaving again. because her life is important to her. and maybe she doesn't think that way about you"

but michael felt like he was nothing. he was nothing without naomi.

================================

"don't forget to make me some sandwiches tomorrow" said yasmine to the phone

"i can't believe you won that bet" said evodie while sitting down on his desk chair

"i'm as awesome as i look" she said "so how bout you?" 

"huh?"

"you and chacha. what's up next?" asked yasmine

"i don't know. it's kind of confusing" said evodie. they were talking to each other through phone. it was 20.30. not that late.

"you suck" 

"am not!" 

"are to!" 

"i know. i suck so bad" said evodie

"hey hey. tomorrow is sectionals. don't let it get into you yeah" 

"i just need to know about her and me" 

"then just simply ask her" said yasmine

"that's the worse advice ever" 

"i know. it sounded so much better in my head" 

"you're the worst best friend ever" said evodie

"awww thanks. you too" said yasmine

"outstanding" 

"impressive" 

"amazing" 

"fantabulous" 

"incredible" 

"um, what are we doing?" asked yasmine

"i dunno" said evodie

"me neither" 

and they said at the same time "outstanding weirdo award" and laughed after.

it was.... awesome. their friendship was awesome. awe freaking some. 

"by the way, talk to her, seriously" said yasmine

"i know. thanks" 

=============================

it was it. they day. their big day. the competition. they had to compete with 20 different schools. there will be 10 who will advance to the next level of the competition that was regionals. and after regionals, they'll be competing for nationals. that's if they won. there was tension everywhere. especially in the madesu room. it was like an awkward silence tension kind of tension.

"i'm gonna take a piss" said darrent "anyone coming?"

everyone in the room looked at him weirdly and he just realized how weird the sentence that he just said "oh. right... i'm gonna... ya know" he said again and went outside.

"um. why aren't we talking?" asked chacha

"because we're nervous" said venna while moving her feet round and round the floor.

"oh" said chacha. but then she turned her head to albert and whispered "what is she saying?"

"i don't know" said albert. just because he was too lazy to explain.

she sighed "whatever. i'm going outside" said chacha while walking outside. for some air?

naomi was sitting on a chair inside that room. she was frowning. she looked at how chacha went outside. and she also saw michael following her. that did not turn her frown upside down. not at all.

michael followed chacha and in a hall, he pulled her left arm and turned her fronts to him. he pinned her to the wall. there was a bit roughness in it. chacha gasped in surprise. but she wasn't as strong as he was. he looked at her with.... anger.

"what are you trying to do?" asked michael

"going for some air" said chacha innocently

"you're on to something and i don't like it a bit"

"none of your business"

"yeah?"

"yeah" said chacha "and stay away from her"

"god dammit, cha. if it's about naomi than it is my business, okay?"said michael

"i'm just trying to make things right"

michael let out a bitter laugh "so that's what you're trying to do. making things right. yeah. but how? by ruining an in love couple"

"you two weren't in love"

"and who the hell are you? it was us, cha. me and naomi. it was always us. we felt it. every second of our lives. you wouldn't know how it feels because it was us. not you" said michael

"i know how it freaking feels, okay" said chacha "i know how it feels to miss someone even though you just meet up with this someone a second ago. i know how it feels to waiting eagerly for that someone to reply my texts. to watch that someone laugh because of my doings. because that laugh. oh, god that laugh. it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen" said chacha. water showed in her eyes. she didn't even know why "and i can't.. no, i won't. i won't let you steal it from me"

michael frozed. what was that last part?

i won't let you steal it from me.

you

steal

it

from

me.

michael watched as the girl in front of him collapsed. no. she wasn't crying. was she? she wasn't sobbing or anything. but her eyes were already watery. the two stood there with awkwardness around them. how did he had to respond to that? oh. but he didn't know if... if she's...

"what are you trying to do?" asked michael again

"i'm trying to make myself happy"

"but why?"

"because. because, mike. it's been awhile since i haven't felt it. i want to feel it. if it's just once more, i'll still take it" said chacha

"what does it has to do with me and naomi?" asked michael

"everything"

"i don't get it" said michael

"then you're an idiot" said chacha while walking away. she turned her head to him for the last time "she's not yours"

and it hit him. it hit him like a train in the middle of the night. it hit him so badly that he couldn't hold his body with his legs. he sat down leaning on the wall.

breathe

he tried. and failed. second try

breathe

another failure in his attempt

breathe

he couldn't. he couldn't breathe. he felt like there were thousands of needles stucking inside his throat. he just couldn't. he sat there. hands on the back of his head. trying to think. trying to feel. trying to... trying to just be. hard. that simple small motherfucking sentence that came out of her mouth. it made him feel like vomiting. the fact that naomi wasn't his girl anymore. the fact that he didn't own him like he used to. it burned his insides. all he ever wanted was to have her. to talk to her. to see her smile. to make her laugh. to hug her. to kiss her. to make her happy. it was all he ever wanted for god's sake. it was what he thought he was meant to be. and the fact that he failed on doing all of those, sickens him.

"what are you doing?" said a girl. that voice. he would recognize it very well. it snapped him.

he looked up and found a brunette who was staring at him "i'm.... i don't know" he said

she sighed "i think we need to talk about us" said naomi

"what is there to talk about?" asked michael

naomi looked at him with disbelief "if you don't want to, then maybe we should just don't"

"wait. that's not what i meant. let's talk"

"okay"

"you start"

"i hate you" said naomi

"you love me, dear" said michael

oops. that was wrong. old habbits. it hit the two of them "please, don't flirt with me" said naomi

michael looked down "sorry"

words. where are you? naomi wanted to say something. everything. yet she failed. they won't come out. why won't they come out?

"if you don't want to start, then i will" said michael "i'm sorry"

she rolled her eyes "and?"

"i'm sorry" he said

"i know" she said

"no. you don't" said michael "if you know how sorry i am, you would already forgive me by now"

"you're exaggerating"

"i'm sorry"

"this is bullshit"

"i'm sorry"

"still waiting, mike"

"i'm sorry"

"i freaking know, okay"

"i'm sorry"

"this is a waste of time" she said while walking away

michael tried to reach her. he grabbed her arm and she turned her head to him "i love you" he said

she looked at how he looked at her. and then she pulled her arm and walked away without him. and he once again felt like.... nothing.

albert was sitting next to a soda machine inside the room full of members of the madesu club. jessica who was sitting across the room walked over to the soda machine. well, to buy soda. much to albert's disappointment.

"hi" said jessica to him. he actually lit up on that greet.

"hey" he said while smiling

"how are you?"

"i'm fine"

she could somehow saw the lies inside that answer. she sat next to him "really. how are you?"

he sighed. she knew him. yeah. "how honest do you want me to be?"

"as long as you're comfortable at being fully honest to me" said jessica

"okay" said albert "i'm not fine. i just can't get over you"

that wasn't a shocker.

"i constantly think about you. i don't even know you. i tried. i tried so bad to get your attention. and don't get me wrong, i have respect for your man. but i just can't stop this" he said

she looked down "but why?"

"hmm" he said "because you're beautiful"

jessica looked at him and blush a little. oh god. why did she has to be chinese? the red blood showed under her perfectly white skin instantly.

"we'll be okay" said jessica.

no, they'll not.

"time will erase it somehow" she said

nope. it won't.

she stood up and went back to where she was sitting before. across the room. it felt so far away. oh when will he be able to forget her? he leaned his head to the wall and did what he always does. looking at the perfectness of her face.

"hey hotstuff" said tasya

darrent smiled. of course it was the happy because of tasya smile. they were at the halls. he was just took a piss and about to go back to his room. he turned around

"hey. how was your performance?" he asked

"it was perfect"

"yeah? wait til you see us"

"looking forward to it"

"hey, guess what?"

"what?"

"i miss you" said darrent

she giggled "you're the lamest boyfriend ever"

==============================

ding. the light their room lighted. oh no. it was their time to get on the stage. ah, shit. bradley and the night three already performed. tasya and dadu also already did. the madesu club was the 17th school to perform. well. the opening will be a solo by naomi. she was getting ready backstage. she looked at herself in the mirror. suddenly michael appeared behind her.

"good luck" he said

"thanks"

"i love you" said michael

"don't"

"you'll sing it amazingly"

"then you should listen to it. open your ears for this one. because it means a lot" said naomi while walking to the empty stage.

the crowd.

oh god, the crowd.

it was a full house. suddenly she felt nervous as she stood on the middle of the stage with a spotlight on her. maybe she was a HBIC in her school, but this was intense. she tried to breathe. she couldn't feel her arms. she couldn't feel her legs. were they still there? she took a last deep breath and started the song.

So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

michael stood on the left side of the stage where people couldn't see him because there was a curtain. he watched her as she sang so seriously.

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

on the other hand, chacha was standing on the right side. she looked at naomi too. but something snapped her. oh it was evodie. "hi" he said "hey" said chacha while looking at him

Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

naomi gave michael a glance. she loved him that much that she forgave him the moment he made that mistake.

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

"i want to say something" said evodie "yeah?" asked chacha "i've been thinking... and i want to know how we will end" said evodie

All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

So much for my happy ending

naomi sang it so beautifuly. so full of passion. it was her. and michael. it was always been them. she felt like the world perished and they remained. it was them. but why couldn't she admit that she already forgave him for what he did?

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they

But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do?

"i love you, cha. with all my heart. you own me. and you own me forever. i'm still in love with you. i'm not going to let you go just like that. i will fight as long as i live. because all i ever wanted to do is to love you. even if it kills me" said evodie. she frowned. not a good signal.

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

chacha was unable to speak. so evodie continued "maybe yes, there are other girls. maybe there will be another girl in my life. but what you should know is this, i will still be in love with you. i can never fall out of love on you"

All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

naomi's eyes were watery. she prayed to god so she could finish the song. if she cried during a big performance like this, she'll probably spend the rest of her life inside the closet with the lights off.

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

michael felt it again. his stomach was twirling uncomfortably. he felt like shit. he felt like naomi was trying to say that it was the end for them. that they were done. he tried to believe that they weren't.

He was everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

"vod, i.... " said chacha. didn't know what to say "i just need to know how you feel" said evodie

All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

"i... i'm sorry" said chacha. and evodie saw it. her decision for them. he looked down and sighed. "you know i still love you" said chacha again "but you're not in love with me" said evodie. she nodded and looked back at naomi "there's... there's someone else" said chacha. yep. there was someone else.

All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

evodie chuckled "what are you doing?" asked evodie "you are so blind, aren't you? i gave everything, cha. i gave freaking everything. just so i could be with you. again" said evodie "but... you disappointed me" said chacha "and you didn't give me one last chance. one chance. why did you give fransis a chance but you didn't give one to me?" asked evodie. chacha saw the truth between that line. yep. she did fransis a chance. and what he did was worse than what evodie did. so why didn't she give him a chance? she couldn't answer that. she stared at him with shame. she couldn't do anything because naomi was almost finishing her song. she had to get ready. she had to.

So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

naomi finished the song and heard the amazingly huge claps from the crowd. it lit her. she smiled. even though she was almost crying. phew thank god it was over. the rest of the madesu club got up on the stage and started the together number. they were already standing on the stage like what they've practiced. fransis started the song.

If I ruled the world

I'd throw all the money in the air like confetti
If I ruled the world 

Every house got a DJ and a backyard party

And I'd break all the borders down

When I shake the ground
If I ruled the world

I'd dream out loud

they did the chorus together

So everybody get up, up, out of your seats
Kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach
Jump up, up, up on the beat singing ayo, ayo, ayo
Up, up, out of your seats

Be who you are love is all you need
All of us geeks, freaks, and wannabe's singing ayo

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you


fransis started singing again

If you were my girl

You'd never have to worry about another thing no
Cause I rule the world

And you'd be right next to me running the show

We'd throw every rule in the book out 

And bring down the house

If you were my girl 

We'd dream out loud

they sang together again

So everybody get up, up, out of your seats
Kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach
Jump up, up, up on the beat singing ayo, ayo, ayo
Up, up, out of your seats

Be who you are love is all you need
All of us geeks, freaks, and wannabe's singing ayo

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you
 

and then jodi stole the stage and did the rap part

I'd be beating on my chest

I'm the king of the hill

All of us keeping it real

Magic carpets girl we go wherever

I ain't trying to run game

I ain't trying to be clever
Girl I'm'ma be the king 

And you will be the queen

Going 100 miles an hour

Girl we running the streets
And if the cops ever try and pull us over

We tell them "Hey Mr. Officer we own ya!"

everyone started singing. the crowd stood up and started clapping and dancing and everything

Hey if I ruled the wooorld

So everybody get up, up, out of your seats
Kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach
Jump up, up, up on the beat singing ayo, ayo, ayo
Up, up, out of your seats

Be who you are love is all you need
All of us geeks, freaks, and wannabe's singing ayo

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you
I would give it, give it all to you
Give it, give it, give it all to you

If I ruled the world
 

the sing finished. it was so awesome. the dancing and the singing and the everything. the crowd went insane. applauses everywhere. the madesu club smiled so wide. they did it. they nailed the song. they stole attention. their voices were heard and being appreciated. it felt good. it felt so damn good. they got off the stage with excitements everywhere. the girls squeaked and the boys shouted. they could now know how it feels to be a family. fun. outside was dark. it was 7 pm already. they waited until the last group did their performance. while they were waiting, alfons and yasmine went to a small grass field near the building for the competition. it wasn't that far so it wouldn't be a problem.

they were sitting on the grass. watching the moon. yeah. so freaking cheesy. but the two enjoyed it. yasmine put her head on his shoulder. 

"this is nice" said yasmine

"yes. yes it is" he said

"you're not much of a talker" 

"i'm much of a watcher" said alfons

"oh really?" 

"of course" 

"then what are you watching now?" asked yasmine

he smiled. he looked at the cute creature beside him without her realization. she was so pretty. yes. so pretty. her brown shining hair fell perfectly on her shoulders. her deep dark brown eyes sparkled so brightly. she was.... she was perfect. 

oh god, she was perfect. and if there was another word that's more than perfect, then she was that word. no words could describe her better than more than perfect.

because she was.

"well, i'm watching the perfectness of one's face" said alfons

"and who could that be?" asked yasmine while putting a smirk on her face

"if it wasn't obvious, you" said alfons

she looked at him and he did the same to her. he tucked a stay of her hair behind her ear. everything was perfect. especially her. oh how he could stare at her face forever. he would. he never thought that he will go through this again. something called love. she made him go through all this. all over again.

then it happened. he crashed his lips sofly to hers. 

it felt like little ants were walking over his arms. it felt like an explosion. it felt... it felt... it felt so perfect. it felt like everything that he'd expected. it felt awesome.

==========================

"hey" said chacha "you did great" 

"thanks" said naomi awkwardly 

"um.. so... "

"so... "

"so awkward" 

"yeah" said naomi. they laughed 

"hmm what to say" wondered chacha

"i'm lost too" 

"then maybe we should not be lost"

"what do you mean?" asked naomi

"i don't know. i just... i just want to say something"

"and what could that be?"

"i love you" said chacha

um. okay. naomi could just answer this without any awkwardness. bestfriends are supposed to love each other, right?

"love you too" said naomi. trying to say it in the most normal way

"but i love love you" said chacha

"don't say that" said naomi

"but i do"

"you don't"

"can't you see how miserable i am?" asked chacha "i can't lie anymore"

"but you can't. it's not right. you can't love me" said naomi

"yes, i can. i believe i can" said chacha "i've love you since you dated him"

"stop saying that" shouted naomi

"why won't you notice me?" asked chacha. tears strolling from her cheeks "i love you"

"you love evodie. and he loves you" said naomi

"no. that's not true"

"i can't do this, cha. this is not right"

"i did all those things for you, mi" said chacha

"what the hell? so you kissed michael so i would be happy? that's why you did that?" asked naomi angryly

"yes. can't you see? i want to be with you. just you. and he's standing on our way" sobbing

"i can't believe you. we were real, cha. michael and i. don't you think maybe i love him so much that it hurts? don't you ever think about him. or even me?"

"i fucking did those things for you, okay"

"well i'm not feeling like you did it for me" said naomi "you're so selfish that you ruined me. i'm heartbroken, cha. he's the only one that i can truly love. and you took that away from me. you took away happiness and hopes out of my eyes. i thought we were friends"

chacha cried. hearing those from naomi. it really crumbled her insides "but.. but-"

"and i thought best friends are supposed to support each other" said naomi while walking away

chacha couldn't hold her feet any much longer. she collapsed on the floor. crying so hard. thank god nobody was there. she looked around. she found a mirror on her left. then she saw a girl. a fucking messed up girl who did messed up things for herself. naomi was right. maybe sometimes life couldn't be like what we wanted. maybe sometimes we just have to accept it. it was hard. loving a girl, as a girl. it was really hard and she couldn't blame herself for falling in love. it just kind of happened. and she knew from then that naomi couldn't love chacha the way she loved her. she thought what she did was right. but now, all of those thoughts vanished. not only that she ruined her friendship with naomi, but she also ruined naomi. it splits her heart into two.

but she was so blind on this situation. and michael saw her from a peek behind the curtain.

===========================

"oh my god, the top 10 are out mr v" said yasmine excitedly

the announcement of the winners who will advance and compete to regionals were out. they were printed on a paper that was hanging on a board in the living room of the building. the other competitior had already seen it. some were happy and bounced up in joy, some were crying and looking down at the floor. it was their time. the madesu club was nervous. yep. 

"ah i can't see it. too many people" said jodi 

there were too many people who were standing in front of the board.

"so, how are we going to do this?" asked icha

"um what about together?" said venna

"wait. i don't think i can handle it. let mr veri see it for us" said jessica

then it settled. mr v will see the announcement. he squished into the crowd and found a piece of paper hanging on a board. he saw 10 schools that were advancing to regionals.

Dadu

Vocal Adrenalin

Sesat

Night Three

New Directions

Seduh

Neo

N1

Sega

Madesu

THEY WERE IN. mr v ran quickly to the guys 

"guys. i'm sorry to say this. but... " 

the madesu club was already down

"we're in the top ten!!" shouted mr v

and there they were, jumping, shouting, cheering, laughing, some even cried with happiness. they've done in. they were in. they've struggled through some dramas and obstacles. but now they've proved that they could overcome. together. as a team. they felt it. even though there were still troubles among them, they could still feel how it was like to be a part of something special. to be a part of something where everyone was loved by everyone. a part of something where everyone cared. it made every one of them feel special.

it felt great. of course. nobody cared about them. but now they felt like they have what it takes. like they were good enough. because it has been awhile since they felt special. so it was nice to be able to feel it again.

and they went to grab some pizzas just around the corner to celebrate. everybody was having fun. no exception at all. but when everyone was playing and eating and whatever, chacha went out for some air. god she always needed air. but there were never any air for her. she was searching for air everywhere. searching for a way out. searching for a way to breathe again. so she went out to the grass field. sitting there with a green bottle in her right hand. it was a cold night. she didn't want to think of anything. so she just sat and watched.

"loving the view?" asked michael from her back

"i love the moon. i always dream about how someday i'll go there and make new friends" said chacha

michael stood beside her and chacha gestured a hand to her left. asking for michael to sat beside her. and so he did. michael put off his jacket and gave it to chacha. 

"thanks" she said while putting her head on his shoulder

"so... " 

"yeah. so... " said chacha "i like her, mike. and i'm sorry" 

he giggled "it's okay. i guess she has that affect on people" 

"i know. why is she so lovable?" 

"some people just are" said michael

"yeah" 

"so we fell for the same woman" he said

"i guess so" said chacha

"well, she is naomi freaking norita" 

chacha laughed "yeah, but... i don't think she feels the same way about me" said chacha. she sighed "i just love her. but i guess she's in love with someone else" 

he listened to her

"and mike, i want you to do me a favor" she said

"yes?" 

"i want you to get your girl. she loves you so much" said chacha "and if i can't have her, than you should"

he smiled "count on me"

"i trust you to keep her, okay" she said "and if you hurt her again i'm gonna do stuff to you" 

"stuff like what?" asked michael

"like bad stuff" said chacha

michael giggled "noted, sir"

and they enjoyed the quietness while feeling the world. maybe it was time for her to let naomi be happy. even if it means without her in the picture.

============================

after pizzas, the madesu club went to do a karaoke at some bar. they wanted to have fun. of course. they deserved it. albert was sitting on a table. enjoying the togetherness or whatever. but there was still something in his head. well actually there was always something in his head. and now all he could think of was jessica. oh god. when will he get over her? why won't it stop. he felt like he was torturing himself at this moment. he needed something. he needed distraction. but when he was searching for it, all he could find was jessica. jessica. jessica. and jessica. and he wondered.

is this how it supposed to feel?

love?

is it supposed to feel like this?

like constantly thinking about this person. like smiling everytime we see this person's face. like heartbroken when this person is far away. like wanting to impress this person so badly. like wanting this person's attention. yes. hello? are you there? please look at me. i'm right here. i need your attention. i need your eyes on mine. i need you to notice me. i need you to know how much i want your attention. hello? are you there? hey, look at me. please don't look too far. i'm here. i'm right here. i love you.

i love you

he thought about it. and the only friend that he had to talk this to was none other than aji. so he opened his cell and dialed a number.

"dude, i'm feeling it again" said albert

"it's eleven. what are you trying to do to me?" said aji with a lazy tone

"are you awake?"

"i am now" said aji

"what am i supposed to do?" asked albert

"well. if you really like her, then do something for her" said aji

"like what?"

"i don't know. give her flowers, wash her clothes, carry her everywhere, sing to her. that's what you guys do, right" said aji lazyly

"you're right. thanks man" said albert excitedly before he closed his cell

and albert was surprised when jessica sat next to her "hey, enjoying the party?" she asked

"sure do" he said smiling

she smiled

"you look great" said albert

"what?" jessica laughed "you're kidding. i look wasted"

"no. honestly. you look great" he said

"well... thank you" said jessica

"hey come on, who's up next?" asked mr veri

"you haven't got up to the stage" said jessica to albert

"yeah, i don't feel like singing" said albert

"what do you think this place is?"

"a karaoke bar?"

"yep. and people do karaoke here" she said while pulling his arm and pushed him to the stage to do some singing

albert had to. how could he resist that? he smiled and picked a song. oh my god. this would be the perfect song for him. his not much of a singer, but he could sing. yes. he could. well everyone could sing. singing can be fun. well, why not? he fixed the mic and started singing through the lyrics.

Turn Around
Turn Around and fix 

Your eye in my direction
So there is a connection

I can't speak
I can't make a sound to 

Somehow capture your attention
I'm staring at perfection

albert looked at jessica who was also looking at him. smiling. he could sing. he could sing and she could listen to it. oh god why did she has to be so perfect in his eyes? he was singing. he was singing for her.

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are 

Leaving you tonight

I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams 

Come true tonight

yes. yes. she was beautiful. she was the most beautiful of beautifuls. she was everything. she was always everything. and she will always be everything.

I'm confident
But I can't pretend 

I wasn't terrified to meet you
I knew you could see right through me

I saw my life flash right before my very eyes
And I knew just what we'd turn into
I was hoping that you could see
Take a look at me so you can see

albert closed his eyes. wow. he was singing. he could feel it. even though his heart beated so fast. he didn't realize what he was doing.

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are 

Leaving you tonight

I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams 

Come true tonight

jessica was proud. even though she knew that this song was about her. she knew. of course she knew. he opened his eyes and found his angel staring back. he loved her. he loved her so much. he just knew.

You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

he reached out his hand. weird. evodie was looking at chacha the whole performance.

Your beauty seems so far away
I'd have to write a thousand songs 

To make you comprehend 

How beautiful you are

I know that I can't make you stay
But I would give my final breath

To make you understand how beautiful you are
Understand how beautiful you are

he sang it with power. yes. power. and now he felt like it was only them. oh god why is she keep staring at him? he was nervous. the things he'd do for her. he would do anything. anything at all.

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are 

Leaving you tonight

I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams 

Come true tonight

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
You call me a stranger

he finished the song and heard applauses. he was pretty good. he was pretty good indeed. the night flew by so fast. and all he could think of was jessica.

it was midnight. time to go home. they had fun. but they were also exhausted. good thing there was no school in tuesday. the teachers had to do some meeting and stuff. the madesu club decided to go to school first to put the trophy there. after that, they went home.

but not evodie. also chacha. she was sitting on the choir room alone. she was thinking. well, she tried. but nothing came out. she didn't even know what to think. she didn't like to think. it was stressing her like hell. she didn't want to let her go. of course. she was in love with her. oh god this is so wrong.

"you okay?" asked evodie who was entering the room

"um. yeah" she said

"i want to talk" 

"please don't" 

"i need to" 

"just don't" said chacha "i don't want to face this" 

"well maybe someday you have to" he said

"but not now" 

"i want to ask you something" 

"what?" asked chacha

"who are you crushing at this moment?" 

"well, there is someone"

"well who is it?" 

"please don't" said chacha

"i want you to know that i love you" 

"i know" 

"no, you don't" said evodie "you don't even know how much i care about you. i care about you, cha. a lot" 

"yes. i know" 

"you don't" 

"stop it" she said 

"just tell me something. we had something back then. it was us. is there any chance to get it back?" asked evodie

"i don't know" 

"i love you" said evodie "please don't tell me it's too late" 

"i don't know" 

"then what the hell do you know?" asked evodie a little angry

"maybe i don't know anything, okay vod. now please. just go" said chacha

he looked at her and he figured there was nothing to do. he was angry. he was furious. when will she realize that he was the only one that could love her with all of his heart? he loved her so much. he waited. and that was the hurting part. the part where he waited. because it meant that he was a second choice. it was painful to him. and she didn't even think about him. it made her angry. the fact that she didn't five a fuck about him but he cared about her so much and being unable to hate her. oh if he could hate her, he would. he would hate her for the rest of his life. he fucking would. big time.

but he couldn't.

how could he? she was the only thing in life that he could really love. that he really cared about. he couldn't do any harm to her. he could never be angry to her. never. he just couldn't. and he ended up getting angry to himself. hating himself for not being able to be angry at her.

evodie went to the auditorium. he didn't know why he go there. but he couldn't think. he stood on the stage. he dropped his bag down. he stood under the spotlight. he screamed so hard. he wanted to let it all out. his misery. misery of waiting. as a second choice. ouch. but it wasn't enough. even screaming wasn't enough. he needed something else. he needed something that could show what was in his heart. of course, by singing. why not? it was an auditorium anyway.

We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder 

Whats in store for us

It's lust, it's torturous 
You must be a sorceress 'cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust don't play games

It'll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
'Cause if I get burnt imma show you 

What it's like to hurt

'Cause I been treated like dirt before you
And love is "evol"
Spell it backwards 

I'll show you

chacha was about to go home when she heard a voice from the auditorium opened door. she seemed to recognize this voice.

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own
It's the path I've chosen to go

Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these motherfucking hoes
Bloodsucking succubus, what the fuck is up with this?
I've tried in this department but I ain't had no luck with this

It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be
Like trying to start over
I got a hole in my heart,

I'm some kind of emotional rollercoaster

evodie sang it with so much power. yes. power. his unbearable rage in his insides.

Something I won't go on 'til you toy with my emotion, so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn't joking when I told you
you take my breath away
You're a supernova... and I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June

And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength

chacha was still following the voice and entered the auditorium unoticeably. she knew this voice indeed.

There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?

You want them when they don't want you
Soon as they do feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate

But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Let's cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I won't be making a mistake
 

chacha saw a man on the stage. she decided to sat on one of the chairs that was far away from the stage. so he won't notice her. she ducked her head a bit. 

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June

And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

So after a year and 6 months it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you

evodie sang it with everything he had. everything. he was almost out of breath. but he needed to do this. he needed to let out his emotions.

Let down my guard swear to god
I'll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm pleading

I'm trying to stop you from leaving
You won't even listen so fuck it
I'm trying to stop you from breathing
I put both hands on your throat

I sit on top of you squeezing
'Til I snap you neck like a Popsicle stick
Ain't no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house
And let you live

he moved around the stage. he even broke some of the band equipments. no one had to know. he needed out. he needed out now.

Tears stream down both of my cheeks
Then I let you just go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would've done anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now
It's too late to save our love
Just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cause imma
 

chacha sat there with tears on both cheeks. she didn't know what she was feeling. but she cried anyway. she didn't know about anything anymore. she didn't want to know. the more she knows, the more it would hurt. so she went outside quietly. running. til she got to her house. just to cry some more.

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June

And I'm so lost without you
Without you
Without you 

he breathed. and even that song didn't change anything.

END. oh my god a long update! yeay you love me. okay so this chapter (i think) is awesome. ah at least i can finish it. THE ANYA AND EVERYTHING. OH MY GOD. it was crazy awesome. the chami HAHA THERE'S A TWIST. NO WAYYY i won't let a lesbian ruined my mimi :( i dunno guys i just need something extreme in this fic. and being gay is kind of extreme. maybe for all of you, because ya know you're all asians from the east and stuff. and you have religions. and parents). the yavodie oh my god i don't even know what i was doing. OH AND THE TERM CROVE. i made it myself *claps* imma genius. i love the micha (michael chacha). it's like they have a bromance or something. like, best buds. the yalfons, no words. and yeah it was somehow awkward for me to write 'he crashed his lips softly to hers'. lol i dunno is that weird? LIPS ARE MEANT TO CRASH TO EACH OTHER, GUYS. DEAL WITH IT. they're through to regionals. yeay. krik. okay so THE ALBERT. he's just so sweet okay. the chavo and stuff. IT'S AWESOME. ha! evodie raps! and the real evodie can only sing to be with you. JK JK. okay so things have been so much shitty for me guys. thanks for reading! (as if someone is reading).

the songs are slipped away- avril lavigne (oh my god. just oh my god), my happy ending- avril lavigne (two avrils in one fic! i know, right), if i ruled the world- big time rush ft iyaz (lol this song is awesome FOREVER BTR), stranger- secondhand serenade (special thanks to the real naomi who showed me this song. it got stuck in my head. HA!), and the last one is space bound- eminem (SERIOUSLY THIS SONG IS JUST AWESOME. love the guy)

kthanksbye PS THIS CHAPTER IS SO LONG LOL SO THE SPACING IS KINDA WRONG SORRY XOXO