the exams are done. horay. yeay. yahoo. whatever. i'm not excited about that. not really. i think i did bad. seriously though, real bad. i didn't study or anything like that. and i was sure that i would regret everything that's going to happen after. HAH. life. but i didn't. i mean, i did a bad job and got a bad result. there's nothing wrong about that. duh. exams are just... hmm.
classmeeting. lol okay let me rant about this thing. i love it. no, not the event. communio. a special place where i can actually feel worthy. seriously. i mean, after all that has happened to my life, my extremely broken family, my extra extremely broken friendships, and through all the confussions of my entire worthless life, i can actually feel loved. i've said before that madesu had set the bar way high for anything. but i guess i was wrong. i do that. i do wrong. wrong stuff. wrong judgements. wrong perspectives. i do many wrongs. i used to think that an awesome family is when you get to have extra fun and laugh with them. but guess what? i was wrong about that too. communio changed everything about my decisions and point of view. i feel accepted. loved. needed. enough. i feel enough. after all these years of feeling so left out, grabaged, and useless, i actually feel enough when i'm with them. you'll never know what it feels like. even i couldn't describe it with words.
ah words. my friends. don't you think they're beautiful? some of them are. i love words. arrange them correctly and you can make a sentence. then a paragraph. then a story. then a book. their existence are precious. my life is such a story. sometimes i feel like i need to channel it into words. like making a story about my life. but that would be narsistic. so i made madesu. remember? my one and only fanfiction. it is great. what you may not know is, it is how i channel my life. some of the story there are my true experiences of life and self discovery.
i don't know what's going on to me lately though. everytime i go to school, i feel sick. oh god i'm sick of it. i'm totally sick of it. i don't know. it seems like everytime people talk about school or even anyone in it, i feel like vomiting. i hate school. i dislike people in it. it's just that... they're so.. uugghh. i'm sick and tired of everyone's behavior. i mean, junior high school. are you serious? i'm so not into this. come on. please. just be cool for god's sake. you'll be in high school and then college and then god knows what. and you're acting so... god damn it i don't know the right word. they're just fucking stupid small minded assholes who don't know how to live their life, yet criticsize other's. oh my god. are you serious? are you going to be like that for the rest of your life? being a creepy pathetic scumbag? you're joking. please tell me you are. i just can't.. and i just.. oh my god stop it. you're killing me here. i'm not trying to be all hipster, but.. over it. totes.
i'm so done. with everything. do you know what it feels when someone you love just.. broke up with you? you wouldn't want to know.
another thing that has been going on is.. i'm broke. totally. i'm so short on cash and i'm trying so hard saving it. seriously. after what has happened to my dad, my view towards money changed 180 degrees. okay. so, money is important. i'm being super serious. people say that money isn't everything. well, they lie. money is everything. there's just one thing that we need in this world. could you guess? exactly. money. i mean, you should really thank your parents. for feeding you. and giving you money. and stuff. but anyways, money is super important. if i had to choose between parents or unlimited amount of money, i would choose money. for real. it's all about the money, guys.
i love rihanna. don't you? i'm so emotional right now. it's caused by so many things. ah i hate my life.
don't you?
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