With Three, There Is Never Just You And Me

Charlie closed the door behind her then leaned her back against it and let her eyes close. She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, unable to fight the smile that was spreading over her features. She had never felt more amazing in her life. She couldn't deny it, she was completely into Santana. She let that sink in for a moment before she pushed off the door and called out "You can come out now. I'm not an idiot, I know you were watching us."

"I didn't want to, they made me" Rachel called out, pushing Dana out of the way and coming out of the living room where they had all been gathered at the window. She gave her friend a smile, trying to read the look on her face. "I'm so sorry. Are you mad?"

"Of course not" Charlie said with a soft laugh. "They're my sisters and you're nosy, I expected it."

"I'm not nosy" Rachel mumbled.

"Yeah you are" Dana said with a nod as she joined the girls, giving Rachel a slap on the back then looking over Charlie. "So that was some heated lip action there."

"Leave her alone" Quinn said with a roll of her eyes. "She can kiss whoever she wants."

"But it was Santana!" Dana said with a laugh "Since when do you like your little sister making out with the sluttiest-"

"Hey" Charlie hissed "Watch it."

Dana lifted her hands in surrender and shrugged "Santana has history, it's a fact. I just can't believe Quinn is okay with it."

Quinn huffed and rolled her eyes, looking at her younger sister with a shrug "Did you have a good time?"

"Amazing. She took me to the Ornithology exhibit at the museum." Charlie let out a dreamy sigh at the memory.

"Ohh" Rachel smiled, stepping a little closer "How was it? I know how badly you wanted to go."

"So beautiful, Rach. We should go next weekend. I think you'd love it."

"Oh yes!"

"Guys" Quinn cut them off and let out a laugh at how dorky they were before looking back at her sister "And did she respect you?"

"Of course" Charlie rolled her eyes, starting to get annoyed. "She was polite and sweet and we actually have a lot in common. She really opened up to me and I got to see a side of her I've never seen before."

"Her boobs?" Dana asked which earned her a slap from Quinn and Charlie both which only made her laugh more.

I need you so much closer...

Naya's Butt

You look like an assless J-Lo

I'm lacking of attention and so I need more of it. You can never provide me that even though what you're giving is everything that you have in your possession. And it's not even your fault.

Okay. I think I'm obsessed with Quinn Fabray. Yep. Obsessed is totally the word. No, seriously. I'm obsessed with Quinn Fabray. She's everywhere. God, she's everywhere. Me fucking gusta.

I could do this, you know. I could talk to you and never found an ending to our conversation. Hell, I could even spend the rest of my life with you and always have more things to say to you. Doesn't that mean something?

Rants.

Okay. I'm gonna start this post with saying that I have a lot in my mind that I want to rant about. Duh. I always rant. And I'm not planning to stop soon. I rant about simply everything. But in this post, I want to rant about something that has been bothering me for the past few days. And it's not really a big of a deal, but I have to blabber all about it anyway. Because really, I would explode with rage if I don't. So, sorry for not making any sense and being totally annoying. Hey, what can I say? I'm just a kid. And life is a nightmare okay seriously stop with the simple plan. What I wanna rant all day today is something that's not new and many people have brought it up many times, but I want you to know how it is in my point of view.

So, recently I have many comments about how people change. You know, like "He's changed. He used to be nice, and now he's such an asshole" or something like "You've changed. I can't believe it. How come you're not like you're used to?".

And that, my friends, fucking sucks. And the suck part is not even the fact that we've changed. The sucky part is the fact that they don't respect us to be who we want to be. Are you serious? This is my fucking life and you go around telling me that I've fucking changed? That I'm different? That I'm weird now? Oh hell no brother. You ain't giving me that shit. And I don't want to entertain you by feeling sorry.

Nope, I don't feel sorry at all. Have you heard the news lately? Have you heard the social changes in the world? Hell, do you even live? People change. That's how it is. You can't expect us to be something that we're not. I don't want to hear crap about how I change and you don't like me now. I don't fucking give a shit. Maybe the person you want me to be is just not me. And that isn't a very hard thing to do. You just have to accept life and people as it is. The society has changed. We're not just a bunch of dumbfucks anymore. We have brains, remember? So why don't you use yours for a change? You know, people these days can think. People these days are more open to stuff. Little stuff that shouldn't be neglected. People these days can understand how to accept other people more. We don't point them as weird people. We point them as people. We respect them for who they are and who they want to be.

And that's what's wrong with societies in little countries, such as mine. Most of the people here don't know how the world is changing. How our perspective should be like. The new modern and much more sense making perspective.

People should accept people. You should accept me for changing to be who I want to be. You should respect me for choosing to be me. You should understand that changing isn't a bad thing. Yes, I've changed. My attitude has changed. But that doesn't mean that I'm not me. I'm still me. I'm just not what you expect me to be. So, if you don't like they way I really am, maybe you should find another friend. I don't feel sorry. Not at all. Of course I don't. I'm not gonna feel sorry for being myself. That is suicide. I know it's hard to understand, but I really do love myself. A lot. My parents created me for a reason, which is to be myself. I don't want to live as something that isn't me. I love myself too much to do that.

And yeah, a lot of people around me has changed their attitude. But if that's who they really are, I'm okay with that. I respect their existence as human beings that have the rights to change if they want to. In fact, I recommend you to change. We need to change in order to follow the today society. It's not that hard. Being unable to change just means that you're not good at adapting. Which is the same with saying that you're not good at life.

Sorry for being a judgemental bitch, but that's how I am. Be more accepting. The world has done that. Why don't you?

And it's you and me and all other people.

what the actual fuck

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHY RYAN MURPHY? WHY. JUST TELL ME WHY. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS FUCK. THIS IS TERRIBLE. JUST FUCKING TERRIBLE. RIB ARE BITCHES FUCK FUCK FUCK.

oh, you haven't heard what happened? WELL I'M SORRY TO TAKE ALL THE HAPPINESS AND HORMONAL EMOTIONS INSIDE OF YOU BUT THIS JUST FUCKING HAPPENED.

I CAN'T.. I JUST.. WHY.

THANKS A FUCKING LOT RYAN. NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERY FEELINGS THAT I HAVE AND NIGHTMARES THAT I WILL FACE FROM THIS. YEAH, THANKS A LOT. OH AND THIS IS HOW YOU'RE GONNA END THIS EPISODE AND HAVE A  FUCKING SEVEN WEEKS BREAK? SEVEN FUCKING WEEKS OF TORTURE FROM NOT KNOWING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN NEXT? YEAH. THANKS A LOT RYAN MURPHY. QUINN'S A GOOD GIRL. JUST WHY. EVERYTHING HURTS. EVERYTHING FUCKING HURTS. THANKS RYAN MURPHY. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'M GONNA GO MURDER THAT BITCH WITH ALL THE RAZOR BLADES UP IN MY GRILL.

Forever Glee Fever

I don't even know if this kind of heartbreak exists. The kind that makes suicide as an option. My option.

Shaking, trembling, heart racing, unsteady, needing for answers, being terrified of rejections. I can't think straight.

J: I tried my best not to judge anybody. But honestly, I've never met anyone who's gay.
Q: Oh I guarantee, you have.
M: Yeah, they say one out of every ten people are gay. And if that's true, that means one of the twelve apostle might've been gay. And my guess is Simon because that name's the gayest.
Q: Jesus never said anything about gay people, that's fact.
S: Or maybe he wanted to, but he doesn't want to hurt Simon's feelings.

But for her, you are a hopeless romantic

Anyone's argument that Brittana aren't in love is now forever mother fucking invalid.

Bump in my hootie hottie hoop. I own that. And I ain't paying my rent this month. I owe that. But fuck who you want, and fuck who you like. Dance your whole life, there's no end in sight. Twinkle twinkle little star.

Starships were meant to fucking fly, motherfuckers.

They say that the world was built for two.

I'm always gonna be the last one standing

I tried conversing with god but only hearing myself. I be throwing up a lot, but I ain't here for my health. When I'm feeling like blah, I had to loosen my belt. Ate the corn right off the cob, didn't need no help. So, now I've come to realize I'm on myself for real. So, most of 'em, I approach 'em with a Slomin's Shield. Keep my enemies close, 'cause they prone to steal. When friends become foes, know you're doing it well. Just keep it going. I'm a red pill taker, who's my real maker? Group homes and tombstones to feel safer. Loopholes for new souls, let's keep praying. Too grown to complain, I create the lane I stay in. Forever underrated, so now I'm Nicholas Cageing it. Doing all about anything as long as you put my face in it. Face it, I didn't wanna be famous, but that's the way it is.

I just watched "Hunger Games" by Lana Del Rey and was like

god. this is genius. nuff said. straight up genius. oh my god I'm so happy all of a sudden

kartul

It's true. Look how they shine for you.

Madesu: Regionals

HEY. THIS IS CHAPTER 21. phew. i know, right. 21 already? wow i really love doing this. okay, maybe i have nothing else better to do. BUT IT'S STILL AWESOME AM I RIGHT? i really love writing madesu. i really do. and i love every single one of you. whoever you are. it's been a pretty wild journey in my life. sorry i update this fic so long. well that is if someone is still reading it. are you there? anyone? okay i'm just gonna keep writing. love it so so much. it's kind of like a world i create. idk maybe. I'M SO MUCH EMOTIONAL OVER THIS PAST FEW WEEKS GUYS. no, seriously i am. and that is kind of fucking annoying. i don't know. the hormones are starting to work inside of me. fucking hormones i hate you. for so many things. i'm so frustrated in so many ways guys if you know what i mean *blink but then no one understands what i'm saying so i just nod my head saying okay*. aaarrrggghhh things are pretty much confusing in my life right now. well, like in everybody's life. anyway, enjoy! oh i'll show many more characters here perhaps. hope you'll like it!

it has been a week. a busy week for madesu. they practiced everytime, everywhere. they needed to win this thing. regionals. wow. another step to nationals. if they win this, maybe things will be different. and that was all they needed. a change. they wanted to show people that they could do anything. in this case, nationals.

that day was the day that could change their lives forever. there they were. every single one of the madesu club members in the parking lot. they were waiting their bus for the trip to regionals.

"okay guys, this is it. we have to give it all up here. all we have to do is to stay as calm as possible" said mr v. he saw the tension within all of them.

fransis couldn't stand still with his feet, venna was sitting on the bench just one meter away from him, feeling nervous. it showed from her gesture, she continuously rubbed her palms. it wasn't just because the air was freezing. michael was walking everywhere. here, there, here, there, here again, there again, and again, and then again. he fixed his glasses clumsily. come on michael, you can do this, you little punk. was all he thought about.

naomi was leaning her behind against someone's car. she didn't know and she didn't seem to care. she crossed her arms because of the coldness of the air. she wasn't really nervous about regionals. all she could think of was no one was there to warm her up. not michael nor chacha. she sighed plenty of times in regret. on the other hand, chacha was nervous as hell. she was sitting on the sidewalk. trying to remember the lyrics for the song that they would perform in that stage. lyrics weren't really her thing. but she definitely wasn't nervous about making herself trip when she would dance through the song. she would never trip. no way. she was riches freaking malchiella. no way she would trip on a stage when she was doing one of her favourite activities. dancing. she would just nail it. like she always did.

jessica was playing with her hat. it was a dark blue beanie with bouncy little purple balls hanging off each side. her mom kind of made it for her. a handmade hat from a mother was the worst thing that could happen in a high schooler's life. well except if you are one of the brady's. she would never, ever, ever wear that hat in any chance possible. that thought swayed through her head when albert walked towards her.

"hey" said albert

"hi" jessica replied

"how's it hanging?"

"not so good. i thought i would be like prepared for this, but i'm not ready at all. the thought of thousands of people watching me to perform on the stage is.... cruciating" said jessica

albert put his hand on her shoulder and said "hey, you're gonna do just fine" he smiled. then he looked at the blue thingy on her hand "what do you have there?"

jessica looked at her hat and sighed "oh, this thing?" she pointed it out to him and he simply nodded "oh it's just a stupid thing my mom has made for me. it's kind of like a hat... sort of... i guess. i mean, when my mom gave it to me this morning, my spirit just dropped in an instant"

"let me see it" said albert

"here" said jessica while handing the hat

he shooked his head "let me see it on you"

"are you being serious?"

"are you?" he said "come on. putting on a hat from your mother won't hurt anyone"

"well it could hurt you. it could like, make you vomit or something" said jessica

"oh please. everything looks perfect on you" said albert with a sincere smile. she could saw it clearly. it was heavenly, warming, and charming. she tried not to think about those things. remember jodi, remember him.

she sighed once more and finally she put it on her head. it looked cute on her "there. you see? i look like a dwarf"

he smiled at her. this time it was sweet and calming. it made her feel safe. like as if that smile could give her the protection from everything "i've seen worse" he said

she let out a shy smile but didn't say a thing. albert walked closer. and closer. and closer. a little bit closer. and there he was. only inches away from her. not taking his eyes off of her redden face.

"you are beautiful, jessica ravenski" said albert

she chuckled a little.

"what?" he asked

"you look so weird. like heavenly weird" said jessica

"how weird?"

"like you're in the clouds"

"you mean like i'm drunk or something like that?" he asked

"exactly" she said

"well maybe i'm drunk of your perfectness"

"the word perfect doesn't exist, bert" said jessica

"well it does in my world. and it could only describe one thing- no, one person" said albert "could you guess?"

"hmmm who could that be?" she pretended. she put her finger on her chin "i have no idea"

"i know you know. and you know it's true"

"what is?"

"that you're perfect to me. and will always be" he said

jessica blushed. how could he make her feel this way. this is wrong. she had a boyfriend. jessica, snap out of it.

but she didn't. she was at the clouds now. with albert, to be precise.

"we can't" said jessica

"we can. you know you have feelings for me"

"i know"

"there you go" said albert. he swept a stray of hair from jessica's face "nothing else matters right now, jes"

he moved his head closer to hers.

oh god.

god no.

this wasn't going to happen, was it?

jessica closed her eyes. waiting for something to happen.

something must happen, right?

oh god.

the excitement.

god she loved it. she loved it good.

she could hear her heart beated so hard that she was afraid he could hear it too.

the sensation was insane. she waited and waited and waited until she could feel a warm breath on her face. albert's breath. it was so warm. so peaceful. so pretecting. she wanted that. she wanted him.

wait, what?

no. oh god no. this wasn't happening.

jessica opened her eyes and was shocked. albert was just inches away from her.

"no, bert. we can't. i just told you we can't" said jessica

"yes, we can" said albert

"you can't force me to do something like that"

"but you like it"

"i admit, i do. but it's not that simple. and the fact that i like it doesn't mean that i want to. you know i have my own choices. why can't you respect them? why can't you just accept that i chose jodi?" she said

"what?" asked albert with a narrowed eyes "so you think i'm a choice? you think that this is some sort of a game? i'm not a furniture, jes. you can't just choose one of us and let the other washed away. i can't accept that" said albert

"but still, it's my decision. i had to choose. and i've chosen jodi as my boyfriend"

"so what does that make me? your second choice?" asked albert with an unbelieveable look

"well, i- "

"do you even know how i feel? what it makes me feel? i'm not a stone, you know. i have feelings too. and you can't just do that. it's just wrong. do you know how it feels to be your number two when you are always my number one?"

jessica didn't respond. she couldn't respond. say something. anything.

"well you know what? i'm sick and tired of always being number two on your list. it's just... " he looked at the floor with a sad look on his face. he was frustrated. she could see it. she felt guilty. but was it her fault? no one knew "it's just not fair"

she put her eyes on his face. it was grey. greyer  than a grey face should be. then to his hands. he put both of them safely locked in his jacket's pockets. he was right. it wasn't fair that she was always number one for him and he wasn't. she knew that deep down, there was a small tiny spark that she could feel when she was around albert. it was confusing. but she knew exactly what it was. she just stood there. watching the boy in front of her crumbling his own heart.

albert was supposed to be steady. he was supposed to be strong, he thought. he was supposed to be the one who didn't show his vunerability. but he did. he was supposed to be steady for god's sake. but he wasn't. and he would never be. it was what loving her did to him. weak. loving her made him weak. weak was the word.

"i'm so-"

"just save it, jes" said albert "i don't know if i can handle this anymore. and i know it's none of your business. i know you don't care"

"would you stop saying that?" said jessica. she looked angry. she was soaked in rage "i do care"

"then why won't you admit it? why won't you show it?" he asked "you know, whatever happens, i'll always be there. i'll try harder. you'll see"

albert walked away with a song in his head. he sang it to her inside his heart.

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me.
'cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?

And on and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know.
That you'll always get your way
I wanted to say,

Don't you Shiver?
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear

I'll always be waiting for you,
So you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you?

And on and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know.
That you'll always get your way
I wanted to say,

Don't you Shiver?
Don't you Shiver?

Sing it loud and clear.
I'll always be waiting for you.

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.
For you,
I will always be waiting.

And it's you I see, but you don't see me.
And it's you I hear, so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear.
And I'll always be waiting for you.

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me.


albert turned his back to her and walked away. he went to where the guys were at, but he stood a little bit far from them. he needed to be alone. he really needed to be alone. he had done so many thinking, but it wasn't enough. he needed to think more. but what there was to think about? jessica? his feelings? he knew exactly what he felt towards jessica. he loved her. he was in love with her the day they hung out together in his house. god, he loved her. everything about her. he was positively sure that his feelings towards jessica was clear. so what was the problem? that, he didn't know. jessica sat on a bench. feeling tired and guilty. crying a small tear that no one could see.

but jodi saw everything from far away.

icha was standing there beside eka. it killed her. waiting. waiting for what would happen. waiting for something to come. what would? that was killing her insides. she needed to calm down. she wasn't calmed down. errr why was eka so calm? it was killing her even more seeing him standing beside her. steady as a horse, calm as a river. it annoyed her in a way that she couldn't describe. so there she was, staring at him hard. and eka could feel the stare.

"what?" asked eka with a high tone

icha narrowed her eyes even more.

"is there something on my face?" asked eka while rubbing his cheeks "oh, any food that got stuck in my teeth?" he asked again while showing his teeth

narrowed eyes turned narrower.

"icha? hello? are you in a coma?" asked eka

she snapped out of it "err" she said

"ah great. i thought you were dead"

"you're just so.. "

"just so what?" asked eka curiously

"calm. you're just so calm" said icha

"why, thank you"

"that's not a compliment from me, you know"

"oh my, then what is it? an insult?" he asked

"no. i'm just confused. why aren't you as nervous as everyone else?"

"ah that. let me tell you a secret about that" said eka

"please. do tell me" she said

eka came closer to her. he was about to whisper his secret "i am as nervous as a turkey on a thanksgiving"

icha's look turned into a confusion "then wh- "

"wait. i haven't told you my recipe to stay calm" whispered eka

"my ears are all open" said icha

"that is a sign of a true performer" he said "we don't do panic. we do calm. i am calm, for i am a true performer. get it in your head, icha"

"a true performer?" asked icha "what's that all about?"

"i was born to perform" said eka "it's everything that i've ever wanted"

icha smiled. this was the eka she knew. she was more than proud of him. he was a true dreamer and it showed. she loved this eka. the dreamer eka. the performer eka. the star eka. he was a star to her. an inspiration. a motivator. a best friend. she was so grateful that god created eka. it was a blessing. icha smiled while eyeing him.

"what?" he asked again

"nothing. i just like the dreamer you" said icha

eka smiled. oh what would i do without you.

thalia checked her phone. she wanted to call someone before she went to regionals. she walked a little bit away from the madesu club. she was standing beside the school's building. she dialed the numbers, which she rememered clearly, and then called. 

"hey" said thalia to the phone "how are you?"

not far away, a girl was watching her. she wore a red coat, a pair of green gloves, rainbow coloured beanie with a huge white ball on top, and a pair of brown boots. her light blonde-almost white hair was hanging loose and fell perfectly just below her shoulders. she eyed thalia with attraction.

"are you coming, baby? are you feeling okay? i really wanted you to come watch me" said thalia to the phone again "really?" she asked to the phone with excitement "promise me, okay? bye"

thalia hung up. she leaned her back to the wall and sighed. aji wasn't feeling really okay. he was sick. but he was fine. all she could think of was him and his cancer. she won't be able to live without him, right? life didn't exist outside of him. it was frustrating. he was her everything. or even anything. she never actually had someone to be there for her before aji. something happened to her that changed her life upside down. aji happened to her. and she loved every single bit of it. she was worried. what if he wasn't okay? what if she couldn't find someone like him? what if she couldn't find someone better because aji was already the best?

stop it, thal. 

it wasn't like he was going to leave her that soon. maybe she could save him. maybe she could find cure for cancer. and she could cure him. maybe they weren't just going to be highschool sweethearts. and they would be married in a church somewhere in new york. move in together. have childrens. and live happily ever after. maybe that was going to be the story of her life. maybe. as long as aji was in the picture, she couldn't be happier.

yes. that's it. that's what's going to happen. 

thalia smiled.

"you know, if you're trying to believe something so impossible, you're going to get hurt more than if you just believe in reality" said the girl that was eyeing thalia the whole time.

thalia was shocked. she turned her head towards the girl and saw her. she couldn't saw her face because the girl was under the shadow. but her voice sounded... magical?

"who are you?" asked thalia. she was a little bit scared.

"oh. i'm just a person that you don't talk to" said the girl.

"show me your face!" said thalia. she was panicking now.

"don't be scared. i don't bite either" the girl walked slowly.

thalia could see her face now. wow. it was the first word that crossed her mind after seeing that face. it was literally perfect. her big bright purple eyes were weirdly stunning on her perfect porcelain skin. her lips were glossy soft pink. the glossy part was probably because of the lolipop that she was holding on her mouth. this girl was a student in vincentius high. thalia has seen her before, but she never took notice. she was different alright. very different. her look was freaky. but it worked. thalia knew that just then. the girl was somewhat interesting.

"you look like a rainbow" said thalia. wait. what? she wasn't making any sense. she shooked her head "i mean-"

"thanks" said the girl with a smile after she took the lolipop out of her mouth.

"i- um-" thalia was nervous. why was she nervous? this girl got that effect on her.

suddenly, the girl stepped closer to thalia and hugged her "it's okay"

"err wha-" thalia was confused like hell. she wasn't hugging back. this was weird. she barely knew the girl.

the girl hummed while hugging thalia. even though it was weird, thalia felt kind of nice. and it wasn't like hugging a stranger could do any harm to her. she felt nice. like she was safe. protected. sheltered. warm. like someone was there for her. that was all she needed. a hug. a simple hug. she started hugging back and talked to the girl.

"um, no offense, but who are you?" asked thalia.

the girl rested her chin on thalia's shoulder and closed her eyes. she smiled. thalia couldn't see it. but she could feel it "i'm a friend"

"what about your name?" asked thalia again.

"zillin, my best friend" she said.

"oh, so now i'm your best friend? awesome" said thalia with sarcasm.

"yes" said zillin with a smile "it's okay. i'm sorry"

thalia pulled back and eyed the girl with confusion "for what?"

"you don't have much time, you know" said zillin with her magical tone.

"what? what time?" thalia was more confused. what the hell?

"it's okay. everyone dies" said zillin

"everyone dies? what are you talking about?" thalia took a couple of steps backward

"i'm sure you will find someone else. all he wants is for you to be happy"

"what? he who?"

"your lover. don't be scared of death" said zillin

"what? you mean aji?" asked thalia. zillin nodded "no. you're not serious" this girl was creeping the shit out of her.

"it's okay"

thalia was about to walk away. she walked fast to the madesu club "you're a freak" she said before she left.

"you'll know eventually" said zillin. she was so calm. it was freakishly charming.

zillin watched thalia walked away with her head hanging to the left. she took her lolipop to her mouth and walked home. on her way home, she took the picture from her coat. it was a picture of aji. smiling at the camera. but zillin could see something else. a black faceless shadow behind him. she sighed and put the picture back.

he is going to die soon. shame.

yasmine was walking around the school. on the park. yep, vincentius high had a small park. it was beautiful. with the gardens and the pond. it was soothing. calming. the situation she needed to be right now. she walked and walked through the pathway. thinking about everything. mostly regionals. and then alfons. then regionals again. then alfons. and then evodie.

wait.

did she just think about evodie? the evodie? she tried to focus. what did she think about when she remembered evodie? yasmine wasn't the 'over it' type. she wasn't a person that would forget something so easily. she would think about what crossed her mind twice. thrice if necessary. she would sit down and think about it.

so she did. yasmine found a bench in the middle of the park and sat there. her legs were tightly closed. she put both her fists on top of her thighs. her head was hung to the front and her eyes didn't leave her fists. she wrinkled her eyebrows and her mouth pouted. she was thinking. hard.

"think much?" asked a voice that was coming towards her

yasmine was shocked. she lifted her head and looked everywhere until she found evodie walking towards her "oh. it's just you" she said

"who else could it be?" asked evodie while giving her a very sweet smile

yasmine smiled "what are you doing here?"

"just hanging out" he said while sitting next to her "and come looking for you"

"not hanging out with the boys?"

"nope. just you" he said. he was looking straight to the pond

they were quiet for a while. but yasmine could saw the change in evodie's face when he saw the pond

"ring a bell?" she asked

evodie sighed "yep. everytime i see a pond, i got so depressed"

"it's not healthy"

"i know"

"your relationship is not healthy, vod" said yasmine "for you"

"yeah. i just can't get over her" said evodie

"you have to" she said "eventually"

he let out a breath and said "yeah"

yasmine looked at him and held his hand "hey, you have me" she smiled

"thanks" he smiled "you know, i'm confused"

"what is it that you're confused about?"

"my feelings" he said. he wasn't looking at her but her hand was still on his

"what is it now, vod?" asked yasmine "you love her"

"i know. but the thing is.. "

"abraham evodie mancana, are you hiding a secret from me?" she asked with a mother-ish tone

"calm down, mom" he said with a chuckle "but... kind of"

"are you going to tell me?"

"kind of"

"don't 'kind of' me, young man" said yasmine. she smiled

"see, the thing is.. i might.. "

"you might what?"

"um.. "

"what?" asked yasmine. she wasn't patient anymore then

"i might be in love with you" said evodie fast

"oh you might be in love with me" said yasmine without thinking what she said

wait. what?

no.

yasmine shaked her head and looked straight at evodie who was looking at the pond "wait" she said

"yep" said evodie

"so, you're saying that you love me?" asked yasmine

"yeah"

"as in love me as a super talented best friend?" she asked again

she was nervous about the answer. why was she? she didn't want her best friend to be in love with her as in love love her. she had a boyfriend for pete's sake. she waited curiously. they were quiet for about 2 minutes. and it was the longest two minutes of yasmine's life

evodie sighed "yeah. i guess" he forced a smile.

and she saw everything. that unsincere smile. different than the one he used to give her. that twitched eye. he always did that when he lied about anything. his freaking lying face. he was lying. she could tell.

"are you sure?" asked her again

"of course. why not?"

"because... " she wasn't sure what to say "well.. frankly, i was kind of disappointed with the answer and.. i don't know why?"

evodie's eyes opened wide "so, you feel it too?" he eyed her

"well.. i mean, i was thinking about you when i was here alone. that must've meant something, right?" asked yasmine

"i experienced the same thing" he lit up a little "i thought i was thinking about.. her" he couldn't say her name. why couldn't he say chacha's name?

"chacha?" she asked

"yeah" he answered "but then mostly, i was thinking about you. she was just.. something"

"you love her, vod" she sighed

"so?"

"so, you can't love both of us at the same time" said yasmine

"look who's talking" said evodie "you can't love both me and alfons at the same time"

"it's different"

"yeah. you're worse" he teased

"stop it" she punched his arm playfully

"ouch!" he cried "rude!"

"weak!" she shouted

"okay okay" he said rubbing his arm "just, give me more time to figure this out, okay?"

"hmmm.. "

"come on. i'm you're best friend. i won't do anything stupid just to get you" said evodie

"you know i can't trust you on that" said yasmine

"what? why?"

"the fransis insident, remember?" asked yasmine "you used venna to make chacha jealous. that's so amateur"

"oh and you can do better?"

"of course i can" she said

"with what? singing adele to your piano guy?" he teased

"okay, that idea was genius" said yasmine "adele is the most brilliant talent that i much respect in the middle of this.. song crisis in our generation"

"okay, oprah" again, he teased "just give me a little time. i can figure this out"

she stood up from her chair "okay. just.. don't do anything stupid. like, telling anyone about this"

evodie stood up and went face to face with her "trust me, i won't"

"great" said yasmine

and both went back to the parking lot with their mouth zipped.

"okay guys, this is it. the bus is here. come on and get on it" said mr v

the trip by bus was... quiet. yes. it was quite quiet. in fact, it was very quiet. they could all hear their heartbeats mixed up together.

venna, who claimed that she was the leader of the group (somehow), tried to cheer them all up. even though herself was in a critical condition of nervousness.

"come on, guys" she said with an unsteady voice. venna stood up and went to the front part of the bus "we have all worked so.. so hard together. i'm sure.. i'm sure we can... we can do this"

then nothing.

"are you serious?" asked venna

"maybe we are, ms leader" said icha with an eyeroll

"so you're all saying that you're nervous?" asked venna

"and you're saying that you're not?" asked yasmine back

"um-" venna couldn't answer that

"cut it out, ms 'i'm- the- star- of- this- group'. i can feel you trembling from the back of the bus" said naomi

"well, i-"

"you're just making things worse. we usually just tie you up and lock you in a dark bathroom in my country" said jessica "literally"

venna narrowed her eyes. what?

"come on guys" said darrent. he stood up from his seat "she's right. i'm sure we can all do this"

"here comes mr positive" said fransis sarcastically

"rude" whispered venna

"we've all worked so hard for this. we'll do great" said darrent

"okay okay. just shut up and stop trying to do a pep talk" said eka crossing his arms

darrent and venna sat down. they sat next to each other.

"thanks" said venna "for what you did"

"hey, no problem" he smiled

"you're really nice, darrent"

"aw. it's nothing"

"tasya is a lucky girl" venna smiled

"i'm the lucky guy" he said

"yeah.. " venna looked down "of course"

"hey" said darrent. he held her hand "we're gonna do great" he smiled

it was so sweet. he was so sweet. she thought that she could probably be into him. sweet. it was probably her weakness. when a guy acted sweet and nice towards her, she would fall so easily. sadly, she didn't know this weakness of hers. so she just did whatever she thought was good. her being impulsive wasn't helping at all in her love life. but, what could she do about it?

venna smiled "right"

they finally arrived to their destination. they held regionals in MAR (Making Art Right) highschool. it was tasya's school. since dadu also passed through sectionals, they could be the host in the competition. their auditorium was a little bigger than vincentius's. it made madesu felt much worse. they went to the green room together and changed to their costumes. it was the usuals. the girls were wearing dresses, the boys were wearing tuxes. white ones. they were going to perfom 2 shows. a duet. and a number together. they got the last number to perform. the other schools were great. so great. madesu was nervous. yep. 

but finally, it was time. 

"break a leg" said fransis to venna 

"you too" she said 

they were behind the curtain. but slowly, it opened. reaveled both of them who started walking to the stage. the music started. and venna began singing. 

A still framed photograph of you and me together

Is all I have of me and you anymore

We were so in love and we thought it'd last forever

But in the storm, we were torn

fransis joined her into the chorus

And I won't forget you

I don't regret you 

The hardest thing I've had to do is live without you 

And I wonder why we both walked away

I'm lost without you 

Still crazy for you

Just turn around, come back 

Because your smile is overdue

And I miss, I miss you

fransis wasn't taking his eyes off of her. he felt the song. boy he felt it deep. he wasn't over her. not yet. but why? he would do anything to have her back. simply anything. he was a jerk. and he almost thought that he deserved this. but he didn't want to have that perspective. what he believed in was, he loved her. and nothing else mattered. he started the second verse by his own. 

If I only knew the words to say 

That'd make you turn around

I would say those words to you

More than a million times

It has been forever but that hasn't changed 

What you mean to me

fransis took venna's hand and held it to his heart. both were looking at each other. their love story wasn't what they expected. it was way much worse. they didn't want to end up this way. but apparently, they did. and it hurt. it hurt so bad. she knew that she still had pieces of her heart in him. and she also had a lot of his heart in her. venna threw her face away from him just so she wouldn't see his ex boyfriend torturing himself. because deep down, she still cared.

Darling can't you see

fransis did the bridge. all of them. it meant a lot to him. he could relate to that so easily. but it was hard. it was hard singing that to the girl he loved that didn't take a look at him.


I'm sorry for all I did
What I said and things I hid
I'm finally over me 
Is that too late for you


I can't imagine where I'd be
If you had never rescued me
You gave me hope to live
And I need you


Cause I need you


then they did the last chorus together. both of them. hand to hand. not caring about the large amount of crowd in the auditorium. it didn't matter.


And I won't forget you
I don't regret you 
The hardest thing I've had to do is live without you 
And I wonder why we both walked away


I'm lost without you 
Still crazy for you
Just turn around, come back 
Because your smile is overdue


And I miss, I miss you


they held hands. and they seperated from that hand holding. it was the saddest thing ever. to not feel her touch anymore. he could easily suffocate. the song stopped. and both of them were on the huge stage. in a long distance. the crowd were clapping. cheering. shouting. the rest of the madesu club appeared slowly and they were ready to do the together number. albert started with a solo.

So many nights trying to hide it
But now I stay awake just pleading for more
To think this heart was divided
I’m losing sleep cause I can’t ignore

venna and darrent broke their voices beautifully into two and sang the next part. they were holding hands. both. in front of everyone from madesu. well, that triggered something because tasya who was in the crowd got her attention taken.


Feeling your touch all around
Peacefully hearing the sound
Of silence around us
I'm so glad we found us this way


jessica and jodi sang the chorus while the others were making peacefull harmonies.

Find me, here in your arms
Now I’m wondering where you’ve always been
Blindly, I came to you
Knowing you’d breathe new life from within


michael and chacha did the next part. michael looked at her. the girl was.. broken. she looked broken. blue. not as bubbly as she used to. he was somehow interested. he cared.

I can’t get enough of you


alfons sang the second verse. he could sing. oh he could. and his voice was mesmerizing. yasmine smiled at him who definitely sang that for her. but it wasn't her yasmine smile. it was her fake yasmine smile. her smile was never fake. but this one suprisingly was.

I want to be where you are
In times of need I just want you to stay
I leave a note on your car
When I can’t find the right words to say


eka did the next part with his angelic voice. it was heavenly great. he literally sounded like an angel. the crowd seemed to love it.

Hearing your voice all around
The last place we’re going is down
I’ll blindly follow knowing you’re leading the way


fransis sang the bridge by himself. he needed this. he needed to show venna how much she meant to him. he stood in front of everyone. he sang it so deep. so in it. he really needed this.

With you in time
There’s nothing else
My life stands still
You are the will that makes me strong
Make me strong
If ever alone in this world I know I’ll always


everyone sang together in the last chorus. it was beautiful. they swayed and swayed perfectly.

Find me, here in your arms
Now I’m wondering where you’ve always been
Blindly, I came to you
Knowing you’d breathe new life from within

You sleep, here in my arms
Where the world just shuts down for awhile
Blindly, you came to me
Finding peace and belief in this smile

Find some peace and belief in this smile


icha did the last part. her voice was rare and beautiful. it was the perfect closure for the song.

I can’t get enough of you


the song ended and the crowd went wild. the members of madesu were smiling. all of them. it felt like their hard works have paid off. it was the most awesome feeling in the world. like someone appreciated their hard works. yep. it felt awesome.

while they were waiting, they were allowed to have a little break. darrent went to the halls between the green room for madesu and dadu where him and tasya wanted to meet up. he walked there. saw her from a distance. he smiled. grinned actually. a very huge grin plastered on his face. he missed her. not being in the same school with her was pure torture. it was too much. he just wanted to be around her all the time. but she wasn't something else to him. to be honest. she was just a girl who he claimed to love at that time. the girl who he claimed keeping his heart. she was just a girl. and he was a stud.

he was a seriously good looking stud. everyone knew him. everyone wanted to hook up with him. literally. even some boys. everyone just wanted to get together with him. he was a stupid stupid sexy stud. with that blonde hair on him, he could take any girl under his sleeve. and he has dated. oh he has dated a lot. for a junior, he had a pretty wild record. he hooked up with many, so many, girl. even some seniors.

but somehow, she met tasya. this girl was probably the longest relationship with a girl that he has ever had. there was just something about her. she was beautiful. smart. funny. cute. to him, she was love.

"what the hell?" asked tasya with an angry tone when they got closer

darrent's grin disappeared "what the hell what?"

"so now you're messing around with that cheerleader?" she asked

"what cheerleader?" he asked back "tasya, what cheerleader? what are you talking about?"

"ugh" she said "i'm so not liking this"

"what is it?" he was really lost

venna walked down the halls and greeted them

"hey guys" she said with a huge smile "hi tasya. nice to see you here"

"speak of the devil" whispered tasya. still crossing her arms

"what?" asked venna. she could hear tasya whispering something. but she couldn't tell what it was

"oh nothing. great to see you here too" said tasya with sarcasm. thank god venna didn't see that

venna smiled wider and turned her attention to darrent "you were so great back there" said venna

"thanks. it's nothing" said darrent while smiling at her "you were awesome"

"oh you" venna giggled. it was like her teaser giggle. ya know. stupid stuff that popular girls used to do when they were teasing a boy

"i'm serious. that was super awesome" said darrent while giving venna's shoulder a squeeze

"okay. well, i guess i'll see you guys around" said venna

thank god. thought tasya

darrent smiled while looking at venna walking away. and his attention went back to tasya "what?" he asked

"i can't believe this" she said while turning away and tried to walk

"wait" said darrent "what did i do wrong this time? huh?"

"i don't know" she said while turning back at him again

"how can you not know? you're the one who's mad at me" he said

"i just don't know, okay"

"okay. so what do you want from me?" he asked "what do you want me to do? help me here"

"help you?" said tasya "help me instead, okay. figure it out on your own. that is what i want from you. think"

"i have thought about it. and i just can't figure you out" said darrent "it's just that.. every little thing upsets you and i just.. i just don't get you. i've thought about it"

"think harder" she said "that's all i'm asking you. i want you to figure me out. i want you to know me, dar"

"i do know you"

"then how come you don't know what to do if i'm upset like this? huh?" she asked

"um- i- "

"you never knew me. you don't know anything about me. it's just.. i don't even know why we're dating" said tasya "i want you to try. try harder. for me"

"i am trying hard. i'm trying my best. why can't you just understand how hard it is for me?" asked darrent

"you're not doing anything" said tasya "i want you to find out who i am by yourself"

"what if i don't want to find out who you are?" he said

silence crept into them. tasya frowned. but she was angry. yes she was. darrent didn't know what he just said. it was stupid. god it was stupid.

"i- " he tried to speak

"fine" she said "then just stop trying. i can't force you"

"tasya i- "

"just... stop trying if you don't want to. thank you for letting me know that" said tasya while turning her back to him. she was about to cry. so she just walked away. slowly. and then faster. and faster. while gripping tight on her cardigan over her dress. she cried

and all he could whisper was "i'm sorry.. " with a sad face

that was it. it was time. for all of them to hear the announcement. 3 groups would pass. and then they would face off in nationals. the tense was obviously clear from every group on that stage. mr firman, who was the host of the show and also the teacher in MAR, went on stage to pronounce the top three groups. his huge belly kind of bugged him to get up on the stage.

but he did anyway.

he stood on the middle of it with a piece of paper on his hand. he cleared his throat onto the mic for a few seconds. and then he started.

"okay. so like you all know, i have the three groups that will continue to nationals written on this piece of paper" said mr firman.

venna was holding thalia's hand so hard. she wanted to win. yes she did. so badly. she wanted to prove everyone that she wasn't just a girl. she was a star. and so did everyone else in madesu club. the pressure was too much. some couldn't handle it. naomi was nervous. she didn't even know why. she wasn't nervous when they were on the bus. but why now? she looked nervous. she acted nervous. she was just nervous. fransis saw that. and the next thing she knew was fransis held her hand and smiled at her.

she used to make fun of him. but frankly, it made her feel a little bit better. so she just returned his smile. it was a sorry smile. a kind of smile that someone would give if they're sorry about something. and in this case, she was sorry for being mean to him. she did.

"so, the first group that will compete in nationals is.. " the drum rolled "night three!" he shouted.

the crowd cheered and night three went jumping and shouting and screaming and hugging each other. well, that was pretty loud.

"the next group is.." this is so nervous making "dadu!"

oh look. tasya's group was in. the same thing went by. the cheering. the hugging. the shouting. the screaming. all that happened. and it came down to the last group that would compete at nationals with many other groups from other regions.

"the last but not least.. " the drum rolled

it was all weird for the madesu club. venna closed her eyes. all she ever wanted to do was winning. she got that lesson from the cheerio. don't let anything gets you away from winning. winning wasn't just winning to venna. to all of them. winning could mean hope. hope that they could accomplish something big and huge. and they would get the credit out of it. they wanted to be appreciated. they've worked so hard to be in the exact position they were then.

hope.

it was all they got. and was all they needed. if they got this thing on their sleeves, that hope would become something big. something promising. something great for all of them. but if things went the other way around, hope would vanish. and nothing could ever cure that vacancies inside their hearts.

that vacancy.

it was an empty space inside them that was killing them slowly. they'd never want that. and the only thing that could fill it was winning. winning was all that it took for all of them. they didn't want life experiences and learning from mistakes. they wanted victory. the sweet smell of victory. frankly, that was all they wanted. the feeling of winning. they haven't felt that for quite a while now.

"what is happening? come on" asked anya from the phone

"sshhh wait. just hear it out. the judge is going to announce the last group" said tasya to the phone

"is it the madesu club? come on tas. you're making me nervous here" said anya

"oh oh listen!" said tasya while directing the phone to the judge so anya could hear clearly from the phone who was the last group

mr firman continued "madesu!"

and it felt like fireworks. the crowd cheered. the madesu club was jumping all over the place. they were shouting and screaming. and to yasmine, the world slowed down. it was all slow motion to her. she was in a deep shock before alfons screamed and hugged her.

"we won! we're in!" cried alfons while looking at her

she couldn't hear what he was saying clearly. all she could hear was her heart beat. it beated fast. and faster. and faster. until she felt like it was going to pop. then she snapped out of it.

"we got in, yas" said alfons

yasmine smiled and she started showing the world how happy she was. she hugged everyone. including evodie. both smiled.

it was all they needed. a boost of confidence.

anya was screaming from the phone til tasya closed her eyes and shoved the phone as far as she could from her.

"i knew we would win!!" shouted anya

"calm yourself woman" said tasya

"but we won!!"

"well.. " said tasya "we won!! all of us!!" tasya shouted

the show was over. the madesu club went to the green room to clean things up. when they were doing that, thalia saw aji on the door. she smiled and excuse herself for a moment. and then she walked at his direction. aji smiled. he missed her. he was wearing his white shirt under his bright red sweater. covered with a grey blazer and matching pants. it was the most adorable thing in the whole world. and all she could say was

"wow"

"how is it that i have the honor of hearing a wow from you, me lady?" he asked with his gentleman tone

"you're all dressed up" she said admiring his choice of attire

he put his arm around her shoulder while walking to the rest of the group "well, let's just say i have a lot of choiceable garments on my wardrobe"

"can't wait to see the rest" she said while snuggling into him and wrapped both of her hands around his waist

"darling, you ain't seen nothing yet" he said with a smile "what's up guys?" asked aji to the group

"we're in" said icha with a huge grin

the rest of the group were cheering "congratulations on that" said aji with a smile "mind if i borrow one of your beautiful women? particularly this one" he said while pointing at his girlfriend

"take all the time you need, brother" said albert with a smile

they laughed. but then aji felt weird. he felt a sudden dizzyness and he couldn't hear anything besides his heart beat. he had no energy to stand up. and so he fell down to the floor. he could see thalia crying. constantly asking if he was okay. but he couldn't respond. he couldn't do anything. his visions was all blurry. all he could remember was albert trying to give him a CPR, yasmine calling 911, eka praying, michael darrent and fransis carrying him, thalia crying. and nothing.

it was all black.

he couldn't see anything. he couldn't remember anything. and the last thing he knew was he woke up in a hospital bed. he could hear the sound of his breath. every breath that he took. he could hear the cardiac monitor that was beside the bed.

beep... beep... beep... beep...

he lifted his left hand and he saw a big needle strapped on it. what he saw next was thalia. laying her head on the bed. sleeping while holding his right hand tightly. she was crying. he could tell. but now, she was sleeping soundly. her brunette hair covered half of her face. aji could also see a few members of the madesu. venna was sleeping on michael's chest on the couch. jessica fell asleep on jodi's lap on the corner of the room. chacha and naomi sleeping next to each other in the couch also. darrent's head on tasya's lap. albert resting his back against the wall. sleeping. they were all still wearing dresses and shirts from regionals. some wore their jackets and cardigans over them to avoid the coldness.

"i'm worried" said yasmine while pulling alfons's jacket that he lend to her a little bit tighter

"i'm sure he'll be fine" said alfons before sipping his coffee

they were on the waiting room. they didn't want to disturb anyone who was sleeping inside that hospital room.

"yeah, i'm sure everything is going to be okay" said fransis with his optimistic face. even though he was lacking of sleep

"we're all here for him" said alfons again

"but still.. " yasmine was full of concern

"come on. i'm sure the doctors will do something to help him. anything" said fransis

yasmine smiled a little "you're right"

"oh, where's icha and eka? they were here an hour ago" said alfons

"they decided to go home. their parents are worried" said yasmine

"it's 2 am in the morning anyways. can't blame them" said fransis

the three of them sat on the waiting room while chatting about some light things.

"ugh where am i?" asked aji when he woke up

thalia woke up instantly "oh my god. you're okay" she said while hugging him so tight

"where am i thal?"

"you're at the hospital. you fainted and we don't know what to do. i almost thought i'd lose you" she said. she wiped a small stray of tear

"hey, don't cry" said aji while caressing her face

"how could i not cry? you're dying back then" she said while holding his hand on her face

aji couldn't say anything. this girl really loved him. he could saw the deep sorrow from her brown eyes. it killed him for he was the cause of her sadness.

"i can't.. lose you" said thalia. she was about to cry. but she tried hard not to wake the others up

"i'm okay. see" said aji

"you're okay? you have all these things glued on you and you're okay?" she asked "you're not okay. and i can't stand seeing you like this"

he didn't know what to say.

"just.. please. get well soon. i need you to rest, okay. be better" she said

"okay" was all he could say before drowning back to sleep

I'M JUST GONNA END THIS HERE. *SIGH*. i wrote a very long chapter, guys. a really long one. trust me. it's way longer than this, but i'm just gonna put that in chapter 22. okay, so. the songs aren't really many whatsoever. but this chapter is a fun to write. EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK SO LONG GOD DAMNIT. HAHAH i really love zilin in this chapter. a weird girl. and yes, i was inspired by that weird girl on antm ._. i don't remember her name though. you know. all star and shit. AJI IS SICK OH NO!! he's so cute. AND ABOUT TO DIE MUAHAHAHA. what? evodie is into yasmine? lame!! but whatever. i got some things in my head. and i don't really know what this chapter is about. SO RANDOM BECAUSE I'M AWESOMELY RANDOM. 


so, the songs are shiver- coldplay, the hardest thing- tyler ward, find me- boyce avenue AND THAT IS PRETTY MUCH IT. BYE! oh by the way, i'm working on chapter 22 now!! HELL YES.

Think I'm going home. Think I'm getting lost for a while. Tired of getting stoned and thinking about you in the night.

So I file away all my dreams though I still believe in everything. 

I wished your love away.

Honestly, over you. One lie short of true. Looking for some hope.

When we laughed again the other day, after weeks not talking, I felt that little sparkle that used to appear when we used to laugh. That sparkle. Yes. The thing that I didn't realize I loved so much before I lost it. But apparently, I didn't lose it. We didn't lose it. Some unfinished business might still be a reason for our distance, but time didn't erase that sparkle. It made me smile. It made me cry. I miss that sparkle. So much. But I'm tired of thinking about it constantly every night. Thinking about how sorry I am. About what happened. And I still don't get it. As much as I miss that sparkle, I can't handle the hurt anymore. Enough is enough. Looking for some closure. But I never found it even with you. And because of that, I'm trying to find my own closure. Finish the unfinished. So,

I wished your love away.

Babe

Happy birthday Hemo.

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers, and the realists would find the realists. But more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might never get off the ground.

Commitments.

So, in this post, I'm just gonna explain to I don't know, myself perhaps, what I've gone through, what I'm going through, and what I will go through. First of all, it all feels really really fast. Trust me, I'm not enjoying life whatsoever but it happened like a shooting star to me. Some are good stars, the rest are not. I don't really know what's going on here, but let's just begin trying to figure out what it is. So, here goes another journal entry from me myself and I.

Dear journal, I'm fifteen. No, hear me out. I'm fifteen. Listen to my mind when I say that I am a fifteen year old girl. Well, just another one. But fifteen. That's a really small but somehow big number for me. I don't know. Somewhere in between. Wait, I'm fifteen, right? Being fifteen makes me feel old yet tiny. Junior high is about to end for me. Which means my responsibillities towards this status and hell hole is going to expire. What? Oh so you want to know why junior high school is a hell hole? Yes. If you have a life and mind like mine, you would probably couldn't agree more with that point of view. Because yes, I do have different thoughts about living life than any other juveniles in my school. I don't even know why. Probably it's because of how I think. And that is something that I'm not proud of. But it is something that I'm glad of sometimes. Please note that I'm an arrogant bastard that basely thinks about how much better I am than other people. And that is not entirely my fault since I didn't create myself. Duh. So, for having a mind of an asshole, I also have different perspective towards junior high school, and junior highschoolers.

So, my dearest journal, let me explain you about how junior high is literally a hell hole to me. The cause is probably just one. A big one though. Immature people who actually thinks that they're mature. Do you get what I'm saying here? Can you picture it in your head how disturbing these people are? Do you know what I have to deal with on every 5 days in a week? This topic is so last year. But as pathetic as it is, I'm going to ramble about it all over again. These are the kind of people that overreacts on something so unimportant.

Example A.

A: "Hey, best friend, I love simple plan"
B: "I love k-pop"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Example B.

A: "Hey, best friend, let's get wild and crazy and try too hard to make people laugh"
B: "I don't want to"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Example C.

A: "Hey, person. Wait, you're not an asshole?"
B: "No, I'm not"
A: "I don't want to know you. Over it"

Example D.

A: "Hey, friend"
B: "Hi. I look annoying as fuck but you don't know me. And if you get to know me, I'm a very very cool person"
A: "Then I never want to know you. Over it"

Example E.

A: "Hey, best friend. I'm in love with that girl"
B: "Hey, me too"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Enough with the examples. You know my point. Those are a few examples of people who treats little things into big deals. I mean, come on. Do you really think that those stuff are important? Hell no. If you do, then you probably were born idiot. Or you have some kind of mental issues. Those are just.. wrong. I can't think of a more idiotic moronic twatty behavior than those examples. There's so much more though. Be prepared for that, freshmen. I wasn't. So that is probably why I hate junior highschoolers so much. Come on. You didn't expect me to hate something without a reasonable reason, did you? Everything has a reason. And that is mine in this area.

Not only that they give too much reaction on small deals, junior highschoolers were born to literally hate each other. Okay. You know what? I don't fucking see the point here. Someone please help me out. Seriously. I'm totally lost in this world of hatred. It's like they were meant to hate each other and I don't even know why. Dear God help me. This is so frustrating and funny at the same time. Seriously. What are you? five? Even five year olds don't go around and hate other people without any reason. That is just plain stupid. Fucking idiotic. I just don't see any point here, people. Please. Tell me. What will it end to? Help me out.

I don't get how people in my school don't actually understand sarcasm. On second thought, they don't even know what sarcasm is. And I don't understand why they don't use it. Come on. Sarcasm is the best thing in the world that could ever exist. So, I just don't understand the fact that people around me doesn't understand sarcasm as well as I do. It's kind of fun. Nobody knows most of what I'm saying because half of them are sarcasms. And because of that, I feel like I'm the only one talking. For real. For the love of God, please. Use sarcasm. It's good for you sometimes. It's fun and it's pretty much everything I do. Try to be fucking sarcastic sometimes. It's cute.

People in junior high think that they're better than anyone else. So, from here we have the conclusion that junior high school is full of me. Yep. And I know it sucks, because, look at me. I'm a douche whatsoever. People in my school are like

 "Oh hey, look. You're stupid. I'm better than you. I have a better music taste than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm prettier than you. I'm cooler than you. Ew, you're a freak, go away. I don't care about what other people think, they're all bitches. I use English better than you. I know what love is, you don't. Shut up, you're voice is annoying as fuck. You're ugly. Your breath smells weird. Okay, what are you trying to do? Acting cool? Because it doesn't work. You have weird eyes. You have weird arms. You have weird legs. Oh, you're fat. You're too skinny. You're so lazy. You're such a hypocrite. Stop being such a bitch. I know, she's a bitch. He's an asshole. I wanna puke because of how annoying you are. Stop trying to be cool. You're a huge ball of failure. I can play basketball better than you. Football is the best sport ever. My clothes and shoes are all from famous and expensive brands, it makes me cool. Your shirt is so weird. Everyday I'm shuffling. You're still listening Queen? That's so lame. Freddie Mercury died for a reason, you know. You're still wearing wrist bands? That's so last year. You look like a hoe. You dress like a hoe. You walk like a hoe. You talk like a hoe. You even smell like a hoe. Ugh I swear to god, people are following my style and claim it theirs. Rap songs are awesome. Rap songs are bullshit. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm funny, I have a lot of friends. I'm an asshole, but people like me. I treat other people like shit, that is why I'm awesome. I don't care about your feelings. I have feelings too. You're so gay, and gay people are like, sinners and shit. I'm a badass, that's why I'm cool. I did it before it was cool, which means I'm cooler than you. Fuck everything."

Yeah, those are pretty much everything that junior highschoolers do. Complain. Talk about shit that aren't supposed to be important. That is sad. That is so sad. Believe me. I feel sad as fuck. Pathetic. We talk about anything but important things. It's weird. And I don't even know why. Look at me. I'm sad as fuck and I'm complaining about it. Just look at me. Fucking pathetic.

Okay. I'm gonna stop because I know you're already sick of it. And I've already spread too much hate.

Let's talk about something that for me is terrifying. The future. My future. Ugh, hearing that word sent chills all over me. I'm about to go to high school. High school. I applied to just one school. And thankfully, I'm qualified enough to be in it. And it was a really really huge confidence boost. Really. Not to mention that the school that I'm going to is kind of like a dream come true to me. I'm not joking whatsoever. Because I'm sure that it's the best school for me. And everything that I've worked for to be in this school is all worth it. I don't want to exaggerate or anything, but I can't imagine where'd I'd be besides being in that high school.

It's not an easy ride for me to even apply there. My parents weren't really okay with it at all. Trust me, I did a lot of work to be where I am today. And I'm sure I deserve everything that this school can offer. I'd do anything. Really. I'm going all Simple Plan here. Come on. I'd do anything. And you'll never know what it means to me. To be in that school. To be a part of it someday. Soon. It really means a lot to me. Like, a lot. And it's enough, really. And of course, my parents expect me to work a lot more harder. And yes, I'm willing to do that. I made a bit of a promise to them. Ya know. To prove that me entering this school was a great idea in the first place. I really do want to. And I'm sure I can. So, my first commitment is to work 200 % harder. Wish me luck.

After this, I'm gonna go through college. College. Okay. Stop right there. I lost track. College huh. I can't imagine myself going to college, actually. It's kind of funny. My dad decided to let me go just after high school without anything in my pocket. So, I'll probably be on my own. Looking for jobs. Living somewhere. I don't know. At first, I imagined it would be awesome. Living on my own. Being a boss to my own life. But on second thought, I don't even know how to fold my clothes. How will I ever survive living by myself? Okay. This is going to be friggin awkward yet hilarious at the same time. Imagining myself living on a place, by my own. I actually laughed at that picture. Moreover, having to go to campus and write some shit. That is terrifying. God. Mercy my soul. Except if I have like some sort of a roomate who's cool. That'd be fun. Aaa anyways, no one knows, right.

 Okay. Stop talking about future. Let's talk about relationships.

I'm a pretty good listener. I guess. So, that makes me the person to talk to when my best friends got some trouble in their relationships. I don't even know why. I haven't been in those kinds of relationships before, but they all just come to me like I'm some sort of an expert on this category. Trust me, I'm not that desperate. I'm rolling by my own for a reason. "Special" relationships seem to suck. Do you know why? Let me explain what's in my head.

So, a friend of mine talked to me recently. And he happened to have a slight problem with his steady. His girlfriend is apparently a... what's a nice way to put this.. well, she's apparently a little slutty. I'm sorry, but that is what I'm getting. She messes around with other boys even when her boyfriend has already warned her. Twice. And I think that he's already sick of it. He thought that she didn't care about him anymore and that shit.  I don't even know how to deal with this. So I just said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Make a commitment. Don't be too soft on her. Tell her that if she doesn't stop doing it, you'd break up with her or something. Make her swear. Make her promise. If she does that again, then you have to do what you've already committed to."

And that is probably the weirdest and most insane thing I've ever said. Really? That is so depressing. Okay, here's the thing about relationships, they don't work without any commitments. And for pete's sake I need some freedom in my life. Can you imagine living while having a dead serious promise to one person that detains you from all of your dreams and wants in life? That is just not how I roll. I don't really like commitments. Especially if it was made to only one person. Yeah, I mean we do love that person so much. But it doesn't mean that you have to stop being yourself to be able to love this person. That is frustrating.

So, yeah. I have the reasons to say that I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. It seems so hard for me who need freedom more than anything. I like being me. I know, it's weird, but I do. And I'm not sure if love is enough to change it.

But sometimes it is. And I don't know which one am I.

Oh well. Commitments are something that I can't avoid these days. I have a lot of them. Good luck in your lives. You're gonna need it.

My life is filled with Michael Jackson in all of a sudden.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror on the wall. MJ taught me that.