Commitments.

So, in this post, I'm just gonna explain to I don't know, myself perhaps, what I've gone through, what I'm going through, and what I will go through. First of all, it all feels really really fast. Trust me, I'm not enjoying life whatsoever but it happened like a shooting star to me. Some are good stars, the rest are not. I don't really know what's going on here, but let's just begin trying to figure out what it is. So, here goes another journal entry from me myself and I.

Dear journal, I'm fifteen. No, hear me out. I'm fifteen. Listen to my mind when I say that I am a fifteen year old girl. Well, just another one. But fifteen. That's a really small but somehow big number for me. I don't know. Somewhere in between. Wait, I'm fifteen, right? Being fifteen makes me feel old yet tiny. Junior high is about to end for me. Which means my responsibillities towards this status and hell hole is going to expire. What? Oh so you want to know why junior high school is a hell hole? Yes. If you have a life and mind like mine, you would probably couldn't agree more with that point of view. Because yes, I do have different thoughts about living life than any other juveniles in my school. I don't even know why. Probably it's because of how I think. And that is something that I'm not proud of. But it is something that I'm glad of sometimes. Please note that I'm an arrogant bastard that basely thinks about how much better I am than other people. And that is not entirely my fault since I didn't create myself. Duh. So, for having a mind of an asshole, I also have different perspective towards junior high school, and junior highschoolers.

So, my dearest journal, let me explain you about how junior high is literally a hell hole to me. The cause is probably just one. A big one though. Immature people who actually thinks that they're mature. Do you get what I'm saying here? Can you picture it in your head how disturbing these people are? Do you know what I have to deal with on every 5 days in a week? This topic is so last year. But as pathetic as it is, I'm going to ramble about it all over again. These are the kind of people that overreacts on something so unimportant.

Example A.

A: "Hey, best friend, I love simple plan"
B: "I love k-pop"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Example B.

A: "Hey, best friend, let's get wild and crazy and try too hard to make people laugh"
B: "I don't want to"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Example C.

A: "Hey, person. Wait, you're not an asshole?"
B: "No, I'm not"
A: "I don't want to know you. Over it"

Example D.

A: "Hey, friend"
B: "Hi. I look annoying as fuck but you don't know me. And if you get to know me, I'm a very very cool person"
A: "Then I never want to know you. Over it"

Example E.

A: "Hey, best friend. I'm in love with that girl"
B: "Hey, me too"
A: "We're not best friends anymore. Over it"

Enough with the examples. You know my point. Those are a few examples of people who treats little things into big deals. I mean, come on. Do you really think that those stuff are important? Hell no. If you do, then you probably were born idiot. Or you have some kind of mental issues. Those are just.. wrong. I can't think of a more idiotic moronic twatty behavior than those examples. There's so much more though. Be prepared for that, freshmen. I wasn't. So that is probably why I hate junior highschoolers so much. Come on. You didn't expect me to hate something without a reasonable reason, did you? Everything has a reason. And that is mine in this area.

Not only that they give too much reaction on small deals, junior highschoolers were born to literally hate each other. Okay. You know what? I don't fucking see the point here. Someone please help me out. Seriously. I'm totally lost in this world of hatred. It's like they were meant to hate each other and I don't even know why. Dear God help me. This is so frustrating and funny at the same time. Seriously. What are you? five? Even five year olds don't go around and hate other people without any reason. That is just plain stupid. Fucking idiotic. I just don't see any point here, people. Please. Tell me. What will it end to? Help me out.

I don't get how people in my school don't actually understand sarcasm. On second thought, they don't even know what sarcasm is. And I don't understand why they don't use it. Come on. Sarcasm is the best thing in the world that could ever exist. So, I just don't understand the fact that people around me doesn't understand sarcasm as well as I do. It's kind of fun. Nobody knows most of what I'm saying because half of them are sarcasms. And because of that, I feel like I'm the only one talking. For real. For the love of God, please. Use sarcasm. It's good for you sometimes. It's fun and it's pretty much everything I do. Try to be fucking sarcastic sometimes. It's cute.

People in junior high think that they're better than anyone else. So, from here we have the conclusion that junior high school is full of me. Yep. And I know it sucks, because, look at me. I'm a douche whatsoever. People in my school are like

 "Oh hey, look. You're stupid. I'm better than you. I have a better music taste than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm prettier than you. I'm cooler than you. Ew, you're a freak, go away. I don't care about what other people think, they're all bitches. I use English better than you. I know what love is, you don't. Shut up, you're voice is annoying as fuck. You're ugly. Your breath smells weird. Okay, what are you trying to do? Acting cool? Because it doesn't work. You have weird eyes. You have weird arms. You have weird legs. Oh, you're fat. You're too skinny. You're so lazy. You're such a hypocrite. Stop being such a bitch. I know, she's a bitch. He's an asshole. I wanna puke because of how annoying you are. Stop trying to be cool. You're a huge ball of failure. I can play basketball better than you. Football is the best sport ever. My clothes and shoes are all from famous and expensive brands, it makes me cool. Your shirt is so weird. Everyday I'm shuffling. You're still listening Queen? That's so lame. Freddie Mercury died for a reason, you know. You're still wearing wrist bands? That's so last year. You look like a hoe. You dress like a hoe. You walk like a hoe. You talk like a hoe. You even smell like a hoe. Ugh I swear to god, people are following my style and claim it theirs. Rap songs are awesome. Rap songs are bullshit. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm funny, I have a lot of friends. I'm an asshole, but people like me. I treat other people like shit, that is why I'm awesome. I don't care about your feelings. I have feelings too. You're so gay, and gay people are like, sinners and shit. I'm a badass, that's why I'm cool. I did it before it was cool, which means I'm cooler than you. Fuck everything."

Yeah, those are pretty much everything that junior highschoolers do. Complain. Talk about shit that aren't supposed to be important. That is sad. That is so sad. Believe me. I feel sad as fuck. Pathetic. We talk about anything but important things. It's weird. And I don't even know why. Look at me. I'm sad as fuck and I'm complaining about it. Just look at me. Fucking pathetic.

Okay. I'm gonna stop because I know you're already sick of it. And I've already spread too much hate.

Let's talk about something that for me is terrifying. The future. My future. Ugh, hearing that word sent chills all over me. I'm about to go to high school. High school. I applied to just one school. And thankfully, I'm qualified enough to be in it. And it was a really really huge confidence boost. Really. Not to mention that the school that I'm going to is kind of like a dream come true to me. I'm not joking whatsoever. Because I'm sure that it's the best school for me. And everything that I've worked for to be in this school is all worth it. I don't want to exaggerate or anything, but I can't imagine where'd I'd be besides being in that high school.

It's not an easy ride for me to even apply there. My parents weren't really okay with it at all. Trust me, I did a lot of work to be where I am today. And I'm sure I deserve everything that this school can offer. I'd do anything. Really. I'm going all Simple Plan here. Come on. I'd do anything. And you'll never know what it means to me. To be in that school. To be a part of it someday. Soon. It really means a lot to me. Like, a lot. And it's enough, really. And of course, my parents expect me to work a lot more harder. And yes, I'm willing to do that. I made a bit of a promise to them. Ya know. To prove that me entering this school was a great idea in the first place. I really do want to. And I'm sure I can. So, my first commitment is to work 200 % harder. Wish me luck.

After this, I'm gonna go through college. College. Okay. Stop right there. I lost track. College huh. I can't imagine myself going to college, actually. It's kind of funny. My dad decided to let me go just after high school without anything in my pocket. So, I'll probably be on my own. Looking for jobs. Living somewhere. I don't know. At first, I imagined it would be awesome. Living on my own. Being a boss to my own life. But on second thought, I don't even know how to fold my clothes. How will I ever survive living by myself? Okay. This is going to be friggin awkward yet hilarious at the same time. Imagining myself living on a place, by my own. I actually laughed at that picture. Moreover, having to go to campus and write some shit. That is terrifying. God. Mercy my soul. Except if I have like some sort of a roomate who's cool. That'd be fun. Aaa anyways, no one knows, right.

 Okay. Stop talking about future. Let's talk about relationships.

I'm a pretty good listener. I guess. So, that makes me the person to talk to when my best friends got some trouble in their relationships. I don't even know why. I haven't been in those kinds of relationships before, but they all just come to me like I'm some sort of an expert on this category. Trust me, I'm not that desperate. I'm rolling by my own for a reason. "Special" relationships seem to suck. Do you know why? Let me explain what's in my head.

So, a friend of mine talked to me recently. And he happened to have a slight problem with his steady. His girlfriend is apparently a... what's a nice way to put this.. well, she's apparently a little slutty. I'm sorry, but that is what I'm getting. She messes around with other boys even when her boyfriend has already warned her. Twice. And I think that he's already sick of it. He thought that she didn't care about him anymore and that shit.  I don't even know how to deal with this. So I just said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Make a commitment. Don't be too soft on her. Tell her that if she doesn't stop doing it, you'd break up with her or something. Make her swear. Make her promise. If she does that again, then you have to do what you've already committed to."

And that is probably the weirdest and most insane thing I've ever said. Really? That is so depressing. Okay, here's the thing about relationships, they don't work without any commitments. And for pete's sake I need some freedom in my life. Can you imagine living while having a dead serious promise to one person that detains you from all of your dreams and wants in life? That is just not how I roll. I don't really like commitments. Especially if it was made to only one person. Yeah, I mean we do love that person so much. But it doesn't mean that you have to stop being yourself to be able to love this person. That is frustrating.

So, yeah. I have the reasons to say that I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. It seems so hard for me who need freedom more than anything. I like being me. I know, it's weird, but I do. And I'm not sure if love is enough to change it.

But sometimes it is. And I don't know which one am I.

Oh well. Commitments are something that I can't avoid these days. I have a lot of them. Good luck in your lives. You're gonna need it.