problems.

hey thereeee.just wanna complain about stuff again.haha yeah you guys know me.i like to mumble about things.so okay,i admit i'm not the best comunicator or whatever.and english isn't my mother language but i keep writing with it.and not in the right way.......actually i pretty much don't care if i make a mistake on my spelling or whatever.i mean,you guys understand me.don't you?

okay.this problem started from......let's say a couple of years ago.maybe.or i don't know.so there i was,chilling on my king sized bed until my mom came and finally ruin it all.she was like "i think you should go talk to someone" and i was like "what?what are you saying?" and she was like "you know,a psychiatrist" and i went "what?mom,i'm not crazy or anything" and she was all "blahblah your father and i talked and we think you need to do that blahblahshitshitcrapcrappooppoop"

oh crap.

now here i am,sitting on my king sized bed,blogging about it.i mean,what the fuck did i do?my parents think i'm crazy and that i need help.please.i mean,seriously.i'm not crazy right?do i act like a sick person at school or anything?seriously.

and then my mom was like "i think it's because the lack of comunications between you and your father"

well.....that kinda made me think.i really wasn't that close with my father.and i'm not even trying.okay,every kid needs their father and all.but i don't wanna know my father.you know why?hahahah i'll tell you why.he's an asshole.

i know you would say i'm inappropriate or that shit,but whatever.i don't care.it's the truth anyways.i'll tell you why he's such an asshole.he abandoned me.he abandoned us.he wasted our money,our lives,on gambling.and he act like such a douche bag.

he has hurt my mother.he has hurt me.he has hurt all of us.and note this : i took it real hard if someone ever hurt me.it's hard for me to forgive.and yeah,i don't want to forgive him.i hate him.i hate this guy.this guy is the reason why i hate boys in the first place.so,put your hate on him.i don't care.he made my life a living hell and i don't wanna go back in there.

so i'm sorry if i'm being so stubborn,but this is just who i am.you have no idea what i've been through with this asshole.a lot of fuck going on in my life when he's around.so please,stop this bullshit about he's my father and i need to respect him.stop it.i have lose my faith for him and for boys.just stop.i don't care if he's my father.what i care about is he's a jerk and i can't stand him.okay?you can call me crazy and send me on rehab.but it'll be useless.because in my head,i already print him on my hate list.

well excuse me for being me.

and yes.i need a father.every kid does.but after what i've been through with this one,i don't want a father.i don't want some douchebag ruining our lives and break my mother's heart again.not anymore.maybe i need a father,but i don't want one.i'm so afraid of the consequences that i know i will deal with if i take the risk.

hhrrr and i don't need judgements right now.so,thank you.for just listening.seriously.thank you.