I am alive

hey.i wanna post about today but i'm too lazy to do that :| so okay maybe i'm gonna tell you about something i just realized today.

do you ever feel like a total crap?like a trash?or something useless?

don't ask me.i feel that way all the time.like i'm nothing and i'm just a waste of life.and i'm not good enough for anyone.yeah,i hate that feeling.because it makes me feel like my life is useless and nobody wants me.

everytime i feel that way,i wanna go back trough time.i wanna go back to.............November 26th 1996.yes,the day when a little girl was born.and i just wanna fix everything in my life.but we all know,it's impossible.maybe someday when i already invented the time machine.yeah,i wish i could do that sooooo bad.if i could,maybe my family will be happy,i will be a smart little happy kid,and i can fix everything.

oh i wish.but what do you know,it cannot be done.

i still feel like garbage.i still feel like shit.

oh my,what to do..................

today,when i went home,i was thinking about something *again*.i opened the window and i felt the breeze.suddenly my mind was calm.but after that,i shocked.seriously,i almost jumped.i kinda realized that

I AM ALIVE

damnit it's true.i am alive.oh my god.i can see with my eyes,i can move my fingers and my legs.i can hear the sound of car's horn,and i can smell vehicle's smoke.i am alive and i can breathe.omg omg omg.god trusted me with this life so i can handle it.he had faith on me.omg omg omg.i've been in this world for almost 15 years,and i just realized that i really am alive.it's not a joke,it's no video games.it's life.and i'm still young.and i thought "man,i don't wanna waste my youth by doing this".i wanna be free.i wanna fly higher and higher.i wanna have my own wings.i don't want to waste my young living with studying about crap like science or stuff.i wanna party everyday,let the crazy out and just live it up!! i must respect my youth.

because i realized someday,if i grow up,i will miss this moment.AND ALSO,i don't want to have a boring young life.i shouldn't waste my life thinking about stuff like "i am trash" or "i am useless".thinking about that turns me into a drama queen.

please,respect today,this day,and your youth.you'll miss it someday.